As I have already confessed, I've been lackadaisically checking out online dating opportunities. One thing that has really stuck out to me is how about all of the "profiles" for men sound exactly the same. Seriously, every boy likes to fish, hike, run, hunt, etc. In fact, I will recreate a generic profile that could be used by any man on ldssingles.com.
"Hi, I'm new to this whole online thing, but my friends told me I should try it out. I'm a really active person who enjoys hiking, climbing, biking, really anything outdoors. I'm looking for a kind, fun, laid back girl who likes to stay fit."
Now, let me translate this for you:
"Hi, I'm new to this whole online thing (I'm really a liar. Nobody is new to online things anymore), but my friends told me I should try it out (and obviously, I'm going to do it because I don't have an opinion or brain of my own). I'm a really active person (when I'm not surfing the net or playing video games) who enjoys hiking, climbing, biking, really anything outdoors. I'm looking for a kind (but no "sweet spirit" types), fun(but not too funny. She should be laughing at my jokes exclusively.), laid back (who still knows how to look really hot, but doesn't come with any
emotional baggage) girl who likes to stay fit (someone who could be mistaken for Angelina Jolie, or maybe even Natalie Portman. Needless to say, she should be really skinny and told she should go into modeling often)."I've decided that there are two types of people doing online dating stuff: the people who have severe emotional/social dysfunctions which would normally prevent them from dating at all, and people who are so fabulous, but for some reason have gone unnoticed under other people's radars. You can decide for yourself where you think I fit.
I think it would be refreshing to read something completely different in an online profile, even if none of it was true.
For example: Hi, I'm an ex-trapeze artist who has clown fear. My favorite hobbies are: badger chasing, picking my nose and flinging it on my roommates, swimming the English Channel (58 times and counting!). I studied in Ancient History, but am currently pursuing a career in taxidermy. I like to make movies as opposed to watching them, and I've been told by my friends that I'm really sensitive and smell like leather. I would definitely want to communicate with someone who'd write this!
Which is at least 15% cooler than the "High School Musical." Here's the low down: I've been taking a math class for the past year and a half to make me a better teacher. We have a culminating research project that we've pretty much been working on for a year. We had a few options as to how to present our project: research paper, Powerpoint presentation, decorative poster, or other technology based format. While brainstorming the different meanings of "other" I came up with the idea to present my project in the form of a musical. On film. Written, directed, filmed, starring, and edited by myself. My professor agreed to it, but I'm pretty sure she didn't think I would actually do it. Oh, how wrong she was.I'm finally starting the filming of said musical tomorrow (Saturday). I might only have 3 people show up (which will be very exciting to make look as if they are 30 students). I guess we'll have to see. Unfortunately, in order to see the finished product, you have to actually be in contact with me, because it is unethical to put it on Youtube. However, if you would like to be a part of the making of the musical, by all means let me know. You don't have to be a singer or a dancer (though there is some light choreography. I just think that the campier it looks, the more effective it will be at portraying my message).
Should be fun.
I'll admit it, I've been looking at online dating possibilities. 
I know. You're ashamed, right? It's just that being 28 years old has opened my eyes to the fact that the majority of guys I've gone on dates with in the past few years have been quite a bit younger than I am. So, I'm broadening my horizons. As I'm broadening my horizons, I thought it would be appropriate to share a top ten list I made a few months ago (when I was actually pursuing an older man).Top Ten Reasons to Pursue an Older Man10. I don't have to worry about paying his way through school.9. He should already have a full set of pots, pans, and other kitchen supplies (which means the wedding reception would be gift card central!) 8. He has more emotional maturity than a turnip.7. He won't mind my 40-year-old-esque body.6. It's a good way to tick off my parents . . . really tick them off.5. Because there's something a little "off" with all the younger ones.4. He'll be fully capable of taking care of my massive backyard.3. He comes from a generation where guys actually ask out (and spend time with) the girls they're interested in.2. Because I'm tired of dating guys that just learned to shave.1. It would be nice to actually know less than my man. (for both of us)
So, I'm weird. For many reasons. Get over it.However, the most recent thing that has made me unique (aka special and a person like none other) is that this morning I had an ultra sound. Not because I'm pregnant (unless that immaculate conception thing has come back into style), but because I've wanted to vomit for the past week. When I went to the doctor and explained my ailments (and how this has happened multiple times in the past, but it only lasted a day or so) she informed me that I most likely had Gallbladder disease 
(known as Cholecystitis or something like that) which meant that my gallbladder was all angry inside and didn't want to help digest fat. This means that anytime I eat something that has ANY fat in it whatsoever, I have to fight the urge to claw my belly open and rip out my innards. Therefore, I went to get an ultra sound today to see if there were any gall stones which were causing my gallbladder to behave irritably. The doctor didn't find anything, and signed me up for another test next week. Apparently, it is very common to have one's gallbladder removed.I have a few alternative treatments to surgery that I would like to suggest to my doctor when I see her:1. Massage my gallbladder. It's had a tough life and probably just needs to feel a little pampered for a change. 2. Compliment my gallbladder. I know that I perform better when I've been complimented and feel that people are confident in my work. Perhaps, my gallbladder is suffering from poor self-estem.3. Gallbladder transplant. If people can live without their gallbladders, I bet dogs can too. Nadra would only be too happy to oblige.My favorite part was my dad's response (always wanting to look on the bright side): "Well Mish, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. You might lose some weight."Yep. I sure could.
I've always considered coming home to be somewhat like re-charging batteries. Meaning that I get so busy, over-stressed, and down on myself during the year, and then I come home to our ranch and I have a week or two to regain my sanity (or whatever you might call the semblence of reality that I possess).I went to our family's ward (the one I grew up in) this past Sunday, and I truly relished being surrounded by people that I believe truly helped shape me into who I am. Now, if you're not very happy about who I am, first of all, I have to wonder why you're reading my blog, and second of all, I would have some very wise statements to tell you containing words like beam and mote. But that is for another time. In a slight derailment from the normal sarcasm, I'd like to take a few minutes to sincerely point out some hidden gems in the city of Oroville:1. My parents. I know, they're really not all that hidden. In fact, I think sometimes people might wish they would be a bit more stand-offish. However, I've never met anyone as generous in all my travels. On Sunday, my dad was driving all of us home from church and we had his hometeaching companion in the car with us. My mom was mentioning how we were going to be having spicy filled hot dogs for dinner. When the hometeaching companion mentioned how he thought that would be tasty, and my dad whole-heartedly agreed with him, my father then offered our dinner of spicy hot dogs to this 17 year old boy. My dad is so generous, he's willing to give away our dinner. My parents are still trying to "get " me, which I think is humorous. My mom told me yesterday," Everyone says you're really funny, but I just see sarcasm." Thanks mom. But I know my parents love me. 'Nough said.2. Susan Stutznegger and Peggy Taylor: Two of my favorite young women's leaders. You might think that's absolutely ridiculous, but when one is an awkward, homely, teenager (namely, me) it really means a lot when adults treat you like you're not so awkard and homely.3. Marie Acebo and Becky Hancock: These gals are two gals who I can trust will tell me exactly what's on their mind, which is something I respect greatly and am still trying to perfect. What this means is that I know what they say is what they mean. And extra thanks goes to Becky for giving me one of the greatest compliments of my existence!4. The Robertsons, Browns, Taylors, Jagodas, Meyers, Papas, and all the other parents of my friends growing up: These folks always take a moment to catch up with me when I visit and remind me of how good it feels to be home.So there you have it: an honest to goodness shout out to my roots. As much as I poke fun at Oroville (though Oroville doesn't get offended, because it knows I poke fun at just about everyone) it will always hold a special place in my heart, as will its inhabitants (yes, even the cut-offs wearing folks visiting the local Walmart).I will say, one thing that really surprised me was the amount of people that told me they read my blog. Even our Japanese foreign exchange student (Hi Noriko!) from 1998 wrote my parents telling them how my blog is a little difficult to read, but she struggles through anyway.
I was considering leaving this post till a bit closer to the holiday. Then I realized, it's pretty close to the holiday. Our Christmas Sacrament Meeting inspired me with this list. And I have to say that regardless of the choir's poor practice, we sounded pretty awesome.10. Hear the sounds of diets being broken all over the civilized world.9. Men dig through their dressers, dusting off tacky red and green ties and socks with pictures of reindeer on them.8. Teachers all over the country are searching for non-religious Christmas music (I mean "Winter" music) that is sure to not offend anyone. Just think of all those kids in San Diego singing song after song about snow, and never really knowing if it exists.7. It's suddenly considered socially acceptable to sit on the lap of a middle aged sugar daddy with a round little belly (I tried doing that at the mall at times other than Christmas, and I got some really weird looks.)6. Every singer in the world turns out a wholesome Christmas album (and you haven't lived until you've heard Ozzie's "Silent Night." He eats a dove at the end of it.)5. Luxurious, inflatable creatures begin to inhabit local front lawns.4. "The Christmas Story" is shown every hour on the hour on TBS, TNT, and AMC.3. You just got punched in the face by an 86-year-old lady who wanted your "Tickle Me Jesse Ventura" doll.2. White elephants threaten to over-run the work place.1. For once, everyone takes a moment (even if it really is just one moment) to think about someone other than themselves.So in case you don't hear from me before then, Merry Christmas everyone!
I know, such a cliche'd title. But it's true. I've had the chance to visit with my good friend, Carol this weekend (she came for a wedding that I wasn't invited to. I'm not bitter, of course. . . ). While she was here, there were a few things accomplished:
- I'm pretty sure I offended all my friends in the ward choir. I have NEVER been as disruptive and had such a flagrant disregard for the people around me as I did this morning. I'll be surprised if Matt, our choir director, ever speaks to me again.
- I got a chance to share all my most recent Top Ten Lists with her. I'm always in the mood for someone who enjoys my jokes and thinks I'm funny. 
And Carol definitely thinks I'm funny.
-Flirted shamelessly with a guy I just met. That was quite enjoyable, actually. It's always fun to find other people who don't suffer from personal boundaries.
- Watched the personally choreographed New Kids dances from when I was 19 years old that Carol is in as well. If you haven't seen the homemade "rat-tail" I made out of my own hair and attached to one of my guy friends' hair, you really should ask to see the video. Actually, even if you have seen it, you should watch it again.
- Finally, I had about a three hour expanse of time in which I felt like I did before I had all the responsibilities of life that loom over my head. And the question I have is, why don't I feel like this everyday?
emotional baggage) girl who likes to stay fit (someone who could be mistaken for Angelina Jolie, or maybe even Natalie Portman. Needless to say, she should be really skinny and told she should go into modeling often)."
