Top Ten Ways to Tell it's Christmas-time

I was considering leaving this post till a bit closer to the holiday. Then I realized, it's pretty close to the holiday. Our Christmas Sacrament Meeting inspired me with this list. And I have to say that regardless of the choir's poor practice, we sounded pretty awesome.


10. Hear the sounds of diets being broken all over the civilized world.

9. Men dig through their dressers, dusting off tacky red and green ties and socks with pictures of reindeer on them.

8. Teachers all over the country are searching for non-religious Christmas music (I mean "Winter" music) that is sure to not offend anyone. Just think of all those kids in San Diego singing song after song about snow, and never really knowing if it exists.

7. It's suddenly considered socially acceptable to sit on the lap of a middle aged sugar daddy with a round little belly (I tried doing that at the mall at times other than Christmas, and I got some really weird looks.)

6. Every singer in the world turns out a wholesome Christmas album (and you haven't lived until you've heard Ozzie's "Silent Night." He eats a dove at the end of it.)

5. Luxurious, inflatable creatures begin to inhabit local front lawns.

4. "The Christmas Story" is shown every hour on the hour on TBS, TNT, and AMC.

3. You just got punched in the face by an 86-year-old lady who wanted your "Tickle Me Jesse Ventura" doll.

2. White elephants threaten to over-run the work place.

1. For once, everyone takes a moment (even if it really is just one moment) to think about someone other than themselves.

So in case you don't hear from me before then, Merry Christmas everyone!