Before I actually get to the top ten list, I just want to say that I really do love my job. If you've spoken to me for more than 2 minutes, I've inevitably brought the subject around to my students/class/school.
Well, it just so happened that a couple of weeks ago, during a faculty meeting, we were given a few reminders about our conduct and possibly some duties that were being overlooked. The alarming part was that it seemed like every reminder had "you could get fired for this" attached to it. It seems one couldn't even take a sip of milk without offending some parent or other. We left the meeting a little disheartened. However, I felt my best way of coping would be to make fun of our rules and regulations a wee bit. Of course, this isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings (especially my principal who I absolutely adore), but I always feel it's healthy to laugh at ourselves. And even though there are many inside jokes here, I think you will still enjoy it. The humorous part is that these are all based on truth, and even some of the more off the wall items are quoted almost verbatim. Here you go:
Top Ten Ways to Get Fired From the Alpine School District
10. Put any personal items (pictures, music, movies, clips, etc) on your computer on loan from the district. Apparently, you'll need all your memory space for lesson plans and power point presentations. (Though I truly feel justified in having my entire music library on mine. Metallica is rich with real life applications for the young ones.)
9. Give a doughnut, cupcake, stick of gum, or half a lollipop to a student before lunchtime. (It seems that if children are unable to control their eating habits, ie saving it for after lunch, it is we the teachers at fault.)
8. Miss recess duties (I don’t care if you are going to pee your pants, get out on the playground!)
7. Teach Investigations . . . no wait, Traditionally . . . that’s not right . . . Investigations. You know, it changes so often, I’m not quite sure anymore.
6. Fail to send home immediately the Aspen Newsletter or any other note that is put in our boxes 3 minutes before the bell rings.
5. Not teaching your ELL kids that “the farmer is in the barn, the farmer is outside of the barn.” (You don’t have any ELL kids? That’s impossible, plus, even your fluent kids would love to know about the farmer and the barn.)
4. Let your students in the door early, or late (pretty much, there’s a 60 second window that equals no firing)
3. Touch student with a hand that is not flat (especially Mike, Mr. Disgusto!)
2. Allow a child to get hit by a car because you forgot bus duty (forget about the fact that the parking lot is huge and even if you were out there holding each individual student by the hand, there are still parents that drive like cartoons who are still just as likely to hit somebody, including you.)
1. Show up in the parking lot 30 seconds late (and remember: parents are out there and they are keeping track with their clipboards. If you’re late, you’d better show up incognito.)
Well, it just so happened that a couple of weeks ago, during a faculty meeting, we were given a few reminders about our conduct and possibly some duties that were being overlooked. The alarming part was that it seemed like every reminder had "you could get fired for this" attached to it. It seems one couldn't even take a sip of milk without offending some parent or other. We left the meeting a little disheartened. However, I felt my best way of coping would be to make fun of our rules and regulations a wee bit. Of course, this isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings (especially my principal who I absolutely adore), but I always feel it's healthy to laugh at ourselves. And even though there are many inside jokes here, I think you will still enjoy it. The humorous part is that these are all based on truth, and even some of the more off the wall items are quoted almost verbatim. Here you go:
Top Ten Ways to Get Fired From the Alpine School District
10. Put any personal items (pictures, music, movies, clips, etc) on your computer on loan from the district. Apparently, you'll need all your memory space for lesson plans and power point presentations. (Though I truly feel justified in having my entire music library on mine. Metallica is rich with real life applications for the young ones.)
9. Give a doughnut, cupcake, stick of gum, or half a lollipop to a student before lunchtime. (It seems that if children are unable to control their eating habits, ie saving it for after lunch, it is we the teachers at fault.)
8. Miss recess duties (I don’t care if you are going to pee your pants, get out on the playground!)
7. Teach Investigations . . . no wait, Traditionally . . . that’s not right . . . Investigations. You know, it changes so often, I’m not quite sure anymore.
6. Fail to send home immediately the Aspen Newsletter or any other note that is put in our boxes 3 minutes before the bell rings.
5. Not teaching your ELL kids that “the farmer is in the barn, the farmer is outside of the barn.” (You don’t have any ELL kids? That’s impossible, plus, even your fluent kids would love to know about the farmer and the barn.)
4. Let your students in the door early, or late (pretty much, there’s a 60 second window that equals no firing)
3. Touch student with a hand that is not flat (especially Mike, Mr. Disgusto!)
2. Allow a child to get hit by a car because you forgot bus duty (forget about the fact that the parking lot is huge and even if you were out there holding each individual student by the hand, there are still parents that drive like cartoons who are still just as likely to hit somebody, including you.)
1. Show up in the parking lot 30 seconds late (and remember: parents are out there and they are keeping track with their clipboards. If you’re late, you’d better show up incognito.)
2 comments:
Wow! It makes me happy that I don't work in the education field... especially when there are rules like don't get yourself or anyone else hit by a moving vehicle!
I think I'll stick with creative writing. :)
You don't know me; I'm just randomly looking at blogs on a quiet, sunny Sunday afternoon here in Austin TX.
Loved the top ten, the Anne party idea... and your general positive but real attitude toward life.
Dave
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