Several of my good friends have found their spouses using online services. I have yet to determine if that is the route for myself. Instead, I found myself pondering whether anyone can meet and fall in love the old fashioned way: a club to the head (go cavemen!).
No, I was cleaning out some papers (my house is starting to look gorgeous, by the way, what with all the cleaning I've been doing), and I came across some lists I'd made a couple years ago. I read them over and they made me chuckle, so I figured I'd share them. I'll post one today and the next in a week.
How to Snag a Wife (*A 12 step program)
1. Girls love a good competition. When you're with a girl, you should point out (and possibly whistle at) other, more attractive women.
2. Roll your eyes when she talks. let he know she'll have to work to keep YOUR attention.
3. Quote every Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Zach Galifianakis/Will Ferrell movie you know. This will show her who the funny one in the relationship is.
4. Tell her what you are good at . . . often. Alphabetized lists can be quite helpful.
5. Women love a challenge. Whatever you do, don't tell them what you're thinking. Girls like to try and read minds. Besides, what would they have to to talk about with their pals in the bathroom if you were open?
6. Quote the scriptures to her daily (preferably in every conversation). This will show her that you have the stronger testimony and will be the spiritual director in the relationship.
7. Cry as often as you can. Women love men who are extremely sensitive and sentimental. The more you can be like them, the better.
8. Be sure to let them know, right up front, what your phsical expectations for them are. . . that way, they can start exercising immediately.
9. Whatever they do/say/think, let them know that you have done/said/thought that way before them (and in a more effective manner). Women need guys who are in charge of the world.
10. Call her "Mama." Chicks love that.
11. When you meet her family, if they say anything that could be considered remotely offensive, you have every right to throw rotten citrus fruits at them.
12. If you and your chick disagree. Just moo like a cow. This will shut her right up and let her know that you want her to lose some more weight.
So go, try them out! And let me know how that goes for you, alright?
