Memoirs of Moo

Get Me to the Church On Time!

2012-02-06T13:56:00.000-08:00

My mother called me up to let me know that it was time to blog again. I believe her exact words were, "I'm sick of looking at that Korean couple when I look at your blog!" I won't lie, I've been busy. Since I talked to you about "Playful Kiss" I have since watched "Boys Over Flowers," "You're Beautiful," "My Princess," "Winter Sonata" (I don't recommend this one), "My Name is Kim Sam Soon,""City Hunter," and several others that didn't actually make an impression. However, I stand by my opinion that Korean television is cleaner and more worthwhile than most of American tv. I highly recommend "City Hunter" for those of you into action flicks.

Now, to get to the reason of why I've actually been busy. You see, several months ago I met a man who is a bit younger than me. After an awful first impression, we became buddies, and eventually I thought I would enjoy him asking me out. Jon McManus (this guy)

eventually did ask me out after he accidentally threw a pen at my face.

Long story short, it was almost like a Korean drama. I thought he liked my roommate, he thought I wasn't interested, then he thought my roommate and I were fighting over him. I figured he wouldn't want to date an old woman. He was always doing homework. Eventually we got all of our ducks in a row (it turns out he liked me, and I liked him), and started dating.

Then, on Christmas Day, he proposed to me.

So, I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!

Yep. I always said that if it ever happened, I would drive around various cities

in a van with a bullhorn, shouting the news out to the world. Luckily, the internet has nixed out my need for the van.

I took him home to California at Christmas time and he met many of my best friends out there. Several of them knew he was going to propose before I did. (He proposed by wrapping the ring in a bigger box and giving it to me as my last Christmas present). I was completely surprised. We've set the date for the wedding on June 8th and we'll be married in the Provo Temple for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I'm so excited! I never thought I would feel this way about anyone else on the planet. He's the best man I know, and I don't think I deserve him, but I sure do love him.

So far, he's taught me how to shoot a gun (a talent I never knew I had), clean ties, cook fajitas, and serve everyone around me. He even let me come up with ideas for how to cut his hair (see the top photo) after he was done shooting the New Testament films (he had grown out his hair and his beard to quite a respectable length).

And the best part? He watches Korean dramas with me. Even though they're not his favorite.

He's a keeper!

The Rock I've Been Hiding Under

2011-09-10T15:28:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I haven't been dead for the past couple of months, like you might suspect. I actually had some really good ideas for top ten lists that I thought about posting. But then something wonderful happened. I discovered Korean television.
And, in true Michelle Rotar fashion, I didn't just discover it, I became unapologetically obsessed with it. Yes, it's true. Korean dramas have gone the same way as New Kids on the Block, unicorns, Lord of the Rings, Val Kilmer and Viggo Mortensen.
I imagine that most of the people who read this blog (my friends and family) have never seen a Korean tv show before. Let me tell you how much you are missing.
It all started with Netflix. Having rated thousands of movies on the website, they're pretty awesome about recommending stuff to me. Last month, they recommended a Korean show called "Playful Kiss," which had been given 4.5 out of 5 stars. I added it to my instant queue and didn't think a ton about it until my friend DK (who happens to be Korean) came to visit with several other of our friends. We turned it on an were shocked to see the weirdest show ever. There were green meadows, a white horse, and this crazy music. Disgusted, we turned it off.
However, several days later, I was home alone and decided to give it another try. I mean, it had come highly recommended by Netflix.
After the weird meadow scene, the main character wakes from her dream and I got to see the real show.
It is amazing! Anyway, I became obsessed with a show that (and I'm slightly embarrassed to say this) caused me to feel more keenly than any other show I've ever seen in my life. It's not just because the main girl is so completely likeable, and the guy she has a crush on is so completely unattainable and gorgeous. I can't really put my finger on it. I just know I like it. A lot.
I showed it to several friends. Now they like it. A lot. I found out the main guy, Kim Hyun Joong, is a member of a Korean boy band. Now I listen to all their music. When I found out he was in another Korean drama, I put that one in my instant queue two days before I ordered the dvds. My Korean language books came in the mail three days ago and I've been working through the first couple of lessons. After I master the language to a tolerable extent, I'm planning on taking a trip to Seoul.
About Kim Hyun Joong. Several friends of mine have commented that he looks like a woman. And I will admit he is very pretty, but I can't help it. I have come to think of him as one of the most attractive men I've ever seen. Judge me if you want. So I've decided that my next post will be a top ten list about Korean shows, so, you have a little bit of time to check out "Playful Kiss" on Netflix or Hulu. 행운을 빕니다!

How to Catch a Husband

2011-07-19T10:00:00.001-07:00

I just returned from Oroville. Which would normally mean that there would be a top ten list about Orovillian society or some type of social commentary. However, I made a promise several weeks ago that I would post the companion to my previous entry. So here you have it ladies: the sure fire way to get a man's attention and keep it!

How to Catch a Husband (a 12 step program)

1. Leap before you look. Having most of your dates in the dark will help you feel much better about the guys who ask you out.

2. Love is a battlefield. Take his hand by force if you have to.

3. Hum a hymn if your date says something inappropriate. This will allow him to see how spiritual you are, especially if you hum it in the language of your mission. (It will also illuminate any musical talent, which is also impressive.)

4. Call him as many times a day as possible. Leave messages. Text him every hour on the hour. This will tell him that you love/stalk him.

5. Sometimes it's difficult for guys to see the positive qualities of your personality. Therefore it is helpful to act them out through the art of interpretive dance or puppetry.

6. Low cut shirts. 'Nuff said.

7. Offer to pay for everything . . . including, but not limited to, the ring. He needs to know that you are willing to support him for the rest of your lives.

8. Become the jaguar. Feel the jaguar. You are the jaguar. Guys dig the full frontal assault.

9. When in the company of other men, latch onto your man with a vice like tenacity (like an octopus grabbing its prey). Don't give him any suspicion that you might stray.

10. Ask for his help with everything. Become incapable. Boys like to feel that they are smart.

11. Touch them as much as possible in public. Using baby talk at the same time will let the world know who "my little pumpkin face" belongs to.

12. If all else fails, they still do arranged marriages in Tibet.

Happy hunting!

How to Snag a Wife

2011-06-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Several of my good friends have found their spouses using online services. I have yet to determine if that is the route for myself. Instead, I found myself pondering whether anyone can meet and fall in love the old fashioned way: a club to the head (go cavemen!).
No, I was cleaning out some papers (my house is starting to look gorgeous, by the way, what with all the cleaning I've been doing), and I came across some lists I'd made a couple years ago. I read them over and they made me chuckle, so I figured I'd share them. I'll post one today and the next in a week.

How to Snag a Wife (*A 12 step program)

1. Girls love a good competition. When you're with a girl, you should point out (and possibly whistle at) other, more attractive women.

2. Roll your eyes when she talks. let he know she'll have to work to keep YOUR attention.

3. Quote every Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Zach Galifianakis/Will Ferrell movie you know. This will show her who the funny one in the relationship is.

4. Tell her what you are good at . . . often. Alphabetized lists can be quite helpful.

5. Women love a challenge. Whatever you do, don't tell them what you're thinking. Girls like to try and read minds. Besides, what would they have to to talk about with their pals in the bathroom if you were open?

6. Quote the scriptures to her daily (preferably in every conversation). This will show her that you have the stronger testimony and will be the spiritual director in the relationship.

7. Cry as often as you can. Women love men who are extremely sensitive and sentimental. The more you can be like them, the better.

8. Be sure to let them know, right up front, what your phsical expectations for them are. . . that way, they can start exercising immediately.

9. Whatever they do/say/think, let them know that you have done/said/thought that way before them (and in a more effective manner). Women need guys who are in charge of the world.

10. Call her "Mama." Chicks love that.

11. When you meet her family, if they say anything that could be considered remotely offensive, you have every right to throw rotten citrus fruits at them.

12. If you and your chick disagree. Just moo like a cow. This will shut her right up and let her know that you want her to lose some more weight.

So go, try them out! And let me know how that goes for you, alright?

I'm a Mormon and I Love My Life!

2011-04-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

It's Easter Sunday, and I'm sick. Most likely just an awful cold that I'll get over this next week. I've been wanting to do an entry like this for a while, but never could find the time to sit down and say exactly what I wanted to say.

Thank goodness for colds.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have been "LDS" all my life and I have been extremely blessed. Easter is a great time to think about my Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the director of this great work on earth. It is because of Him that we will all have the opportunity to return to live with Him and our Heavenly Father someday. How blessed I feel with this knowledge of a Heavenly Father and Savior who love me and know me personally.

I don't smoke, drink alcohol, and I believe in abstain

ing from sex until marriage. But those are just a few aspects of my religion. I also believe in being kind to others and showing charity to friends and strangers. I believe in honesty and acting with integrity at all times (even if the outcome would be less desirable). I believe that marriage is a sacred union, one not to be taken lightly. I know, that makes me quite the freak in the eyes of this world.

But guess what. I don't care.

In a time when people are scrambling around, desperate to know the answers to life's greatest questions, I know exactly why I'm here. I'm here to learn, to receive a physical body, and live a worthy life wherein I become the best person I can be and help others to do the same. Have I reached perfection? Nope. Do I plan on it? Nope. I know there was only one perfect person to live on this earth, and that was my Savior, Jesus Christ. However, I CAN dedicate my life to following His example and doing my best to become like Him. That is all that is asked of me. Seems pretty reasonable.

I feel that members of my religion come under a lot of scrutiny. More so than most other religions. You might feel this is deserved. I mean, we have the audacity to send representatives of our church out to tell other people about our faith (that was my sarcastic voice. See? Not perfect just yet!). I order to understand why we do this, let me ask you a few questions:

Have you ever gone to a store where the service and goods were superb?

Or eaten at a restaurant where the food was extremely delicious?

Have you ever read a book that you just loved? Maybe you even found it to be life changing?

Our first instinct is to tell people about great things that happen to us. I can't tell you how many times I've made recommendations to friends based on great experiences I've had. So, when I have access to a religion that I know provides many answers to heart felt questions, and is organized in the same way Jesus Christ established when He was on the earth, and has been the source of so much happiness in my own life. . . I'm going to tell people about it. I'm going to tell everyone about it. Shoot, I'm even going to blog about it.

The truthfulness of the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been confirmed in my heart time and time again. To deny what I KNOW to be true would be to deny all that I am and all that I hope to be.

And yeah, there are a lot of haters out there. A lot. And they are welcome to their opinions, just as I'm welcome to mine. I do get a little upset when the haters take their ignorant assumptions and try to tear down my faith. I've been a member of my faith for 3o years. I know a thing or two. Probably a lot more than someone who looked at a couple articles online and jumped to some pretty hasty conclusions based on the hasty conclusions someone else came to.

I'll end by telling you my conclusions. That my Savior, Jesus Christ, rose from the dead, and it is because of this miracle that some day all of us will be resurrected. That Jesus Christ Atoned for my sins, and the sins of everyone on this earth, and that by following His example, we can someday return to the presence of our loving Heavenly Father.

For more information on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, please visit mormon.org

My Chemical Romance!

2011-04-09T08:37:00.000-07:00

My favorite band is My Chemical Romance.

There. You see? You just made a snap judgement. Stop that.

No, I'm unabashedly interested in this band, and I don't look or act like the "typical" MCR fan. They came to Salt Lake City last night and performed at "The Venue." The place is so small, and I was so close (I mean, really, any place is close in the Venue) I could have chucked my cell phone at any member of the band.
The concert was amazing! There are really no Stephanie Meyer-esque adjectives to describe the experience or the performance. (Gerard Way's vocals were like velvet?) Kristina, my friend Rachel, and myself waited in line in the chill Utah air for about an hour. The types of people we saw really spanned the gamut. From gals wearing fluorescent tutus to guys with more piercings than I have limbs, and the age spectrum was all over the place. Some parents brought their kids, but most teenagers were just dumped off on the sidewalk.
Anyway, I don't feel you're interested in a play by play of the evening, so I will simply record the various realizations I had during the concert:
1. I am totally attracted to men with charisma. That's probably why I dig actors so much, because they command a stage. It's brilliant! However, my eyes did not just drift to Gerard Way (as I thought they would), but I was very impressed with Ray Toro (the guitarist) as well. He smiled so many times through the show.
2. I would be friends with Ray Toro.
3. If you want to jump up and down in a crowd like that, you must all jump up and down. It stops working if the people you are pressed against don't want to jump.
4. I was the only one (not a parent) that was wearing a watch on the floor.
5. Non-conformists will do anything the band tells them to do. And they'll do it all together. And they'll do it happily and excitedly. Ha! Gotcha!
6. Mosh pits that form around me turn me into a violent, angry sort of person. I was so mad with the pressing and pushing crowd already, that I punched a guy in the back after a girl next to me got trampled by their stupid moshing.
7. I love the band, I dislike most of the fans. I felt it was kind of like the feelings I have for snowboarders. I will tolerate their presence, but they'd better not be rude or cut me off, or that is it!
8. Some people are dumb enough to take their elementary aged children to a concert like this. Poor form, people.
9. This is a great band live. I've heard so many artists and bands really suck it up when they don't have all the fancy equipment to make their voices sound on key. These guys were fantastic.
10. Singing my favorite song ever, "I'm Not Okay," at the top of my lungs, while reaching out to My Chemical Romance, who is 15 feet away from me, while jumping in sync with the gal next to me, and sweating like I do after an hour on the stair climber, feeling like I'm sitting in a hot tub, and looking in a similar fashion, was some of the best 3+ minutes of my life.

So. . . you should like My Chemical Romance. They're a nice band.

It Must Be Said: Aspen Elementary is the BEST!!!

2011-03-08T18:41:00.001-08:00

Life as a school teacher has been a bit stressful this month so far. In order to understand this stress, you must know a little of the history of our school. About 10 years ago, we had principal after principal after principal who sucked big time. We're talking being involved in various scandals and illegal behaviors. Needless to say, our school was labeled as a bad school because of it. For the past six years (at least. That's how long I've been there) we've been trying to rebuild the community's confidence in us.
Now, fast forward to March. Our principal informs us that people are moving into the area, but they are taking kids to other schools because they've heard about Aspen Elementary's reputation. Bogus! Thus, in order to build confidence, public relations, and in general remind people that we are amazing teachers, the principal planned activities throughout the month. We've had school wide read-a-thons, dress up as your favorite literary character day, Parent Day, Spirit Day, and tonight we had a pizza party/read-athon/teacher talent show for the community. Not just the kids in our school, but everyone else too.
Apparently the PTA didn't expect such a turnout, because we must have had over 600 people there (I'm sure much more), and the pizza ran out pretty quickly. Our principal (the amazing Brad Davies), in a desire to motivate the students, ran a marathon (of his own design and desire) around the neighboring cities, ending at our school during the party. The entire school and families were outside the building, cheering him on as he ran up the school drive. I won't lie, my eyes got a little misty. And then, after running over 26 miles (he had been running for the majority of the day), he still stopped and gave a tv interview and talked with so many students and parents. This is the day that I realized I have Superman for a principal.
After he arrived, we started the talent show. It was pretty fun and really short. I was originally planning on participating in three skits (out of six total), but cut my solo because we were already half an hour over time. It was epic. We started off with a small faculty group doing "Stomp" (which involved some very rhythmic choreography and carefully timed soundings of school items). To finish off the talent show, Jenn Fletcher, Randa Mortensen, Jessica Lux, and I did a synchronized swimming routine on stage (I was inspired by my ward variety show) wearing swimsuits over our t-shirts, shower caps, and underwater goggles. It was amazing.
Moral of the story: Tonight I realized how awesome my job really is. It's been stressful planning for all of these different things, but we all pulled together and made it a success. Public education at its finest.

Top Ten Things I Love About My Parents

2011-02-28T21:04:00.000-08:00

I love my parents. They celebrated their anniversary this past month. My dad called me the day after to let me know I hadn't called them on their anniversary. I told him that anniversaries have never been a big thing to me, which hurt his feelings a little, I think. So I figured this could be a great way to make it up to both my mom and my dad, who have both had a huge hand in making me the well-adjusted individual represented digitally before you.

Top Ten Things I Love About My Parents

10. They go all out for the holidays. Especially Christmas. Even though it's really a LOT of work and they don't have the patience or mobility they had 20 years ago, they are always willing to make the house look amazing for the family (and friends) to enjoy.

9. I love how Mom will constantly surprise me by watching some of my favorite shows with me. It all started with various Jane Austen movies. However, I usually bring home a different series every time and Mom watches them with me. She's enjoyed "Arrested Development," "Vicar of Dibley," "Flight of the Conchords," and "Big Bang Theory."

8. My dad is a born leader. Being the eldest in his family probably helped a little, but being a marine, a sheriff, a lawyer, and so many other roles, Dad is always willing to step up to the plate when others hang back. Even if you don't agree with him, my dad is someone who people are genuinely intimidated by. Until they get to know him and realize how absolutely gigantic his heart is.

7. I love how much they push. Granted, I didn't always appreciate it. But looking back on high school and college, they gave me motivation to succeed when it would have been so easy to give up. I never would have stuck with playing the piano without them, and I'm eternally grateful for that.

6. They love to play. There are certain games I'm guaranteed to play if I go home. Among these are Yahtzee, Phase Ten, and Chicken Foot Dominoes. It's always cut throat. And it always ends with everyone ganging up on Dad (he totally has it coming).

5. My parents are avid readers. I know my love of reading comes from them. There have been many afternoons when all three of us are lying on different couches reading from our books, and alternately napping as appropriate.

4. I love how much they care about animals. People think I'm kind of a freak about pets, but meeting my parents puts it all in perspective. Dad once called the dog "Son" on accident.

3. Dad always gets to say the prayer. It doesn't matter what prayer, whether it's for a meal, or family prayer, or whatever, it's automatically assumed that Dad gets to pray.

2. My parents have so much faith in me. Much more than I do in myself. A few years ago, when I first got into community theater, Dad told me that I should think about Broadway and ask my voice teacher if I had a chance. He won't remember saying it, but I'll never forget how my dad told his college educated, elementary school teacher daughter to give it all up and look into acting.

1. Sincerely, they are the MOST generous people I know of on this earth. I've mentioned it before, but I don't think people in my home town are even aware of the secret and special acts of service my parents are responsible. They're definitely instruments in the Lord's hands. Most recently, my dad buzzed his hair as a fund raising effort for his local Rotary club.

The Joys of Camping!

2011-02-18T18:11:00.001-08:00

Every year I get to go camping in the snow with my fifth graders. I love it. It's crazy tiring, but the kids have such a good time, I can't help but love it.
However, this year was a little interesting. It started the week before when life got a little strenuous. I won't go into details, but let it suffice that my mind was on several things at the same time. I didn't even pack for camping until the night before. It was around 10 o'clock at night when I tried to get everything together.
This was apparent by the next day, when we arrived at Clear Creek Camp and I started to unpack. Here are the things I forgot (you may determine the importance):
-toothbrush
-towel
-gloves
-hat
-fire wood (for our nightly campfire)

However, all of my makeup made it into the suitcase, along with hair supplies (curling iron, hairspray, thermal setting spray, split end repair, etc.). And I took complete outfits for every day I'd be there (three days= three ensembles)
Day one, I used paper towels to dry myself off from my shower.
Day two, I used my "Jem and the Holograms" sweatshirt.

We borrowed firewood for our first night's campfire and, after teaching the boys how to build the perfect fire, one of the dad volunteers dumped diesel fuel onto the logs to ensure a good blaze. At first I felt this was cheating, but I was willing to go along with it because the winds were crazy and the fire pit was covered in ice with several inches of snow.
With the gals, I was all excited because the wind had died down and nobody would be telling me that I had to pour diesel fuel in order for it to work. I built the fire up, it was burning awesomely. 5 minutes later, it was a pile of coals. I try again, start from the beginning. Get a fantastic blaze going that burns for 15 minutes before it goes to poo. By this time, all of the girls have arrived at the campfire and I'm supposed to lead songs and stories. I ask the other teachers to help out. One throws a log on (which would accomplish nothing), and the other pokes at it with a stick causing the entire structure to fall over. For the next 40 minutes we sang songs while two of the mom volunteers blew on the coals with minimum results.

Moral of the story: I might be a failure at campfires.

Things That Make Guys Hot

2011-01-06T19:20:00.000-08:00

So, I was watching "Stardust" with several friends last week, and I was overcome with how easy it was for a very homely man to become an extremely studly man. Or at least more studly than he was previously. I realized that there are several things that men can do that will make me instantly attracted to them. And since there are so many men out there who are just chomping at the bit to know what to do to appear more attractive to me, here you go. A helpful list, just for all the men out there. (P.S. This is not a top ten list, because I think there are way more than ten things that make a guy hot.)

1. Play an instrument (other than the organ).

2. Drive a motorcycle and be willing to give me rides.

3. Sing . . . well. I've said it before and I'll say it a thousand times more. If a guy sings well, I am instantaneously attracted.

4. Sword fighting. Not fighting on the lawn of a BYU quad, rather fighting on stage. However, offering to fight with me onstage during a date at a restaurant is not desirable either. There's a fine line with this one.

5. Be comfortable around kids. Yay for good dads! Or uncles! But not grandpas.

6. Ride a horse. Viggo in "Lord of the Rings," Viggo in "Hidalgo," or really Viggo in just about anything. That's it, be Viggo.

7. Use a whip. Get your brain out of the gutter, I'm talking "Man From Snowy River" style. My roommates and I used to watch and rewatch some choice scenes.

8. Be confident. NOT ARROGANT! But confident. A guy that's comfortable in his own skin is extremely attractive. A guy that assumes most women are attracted to him, not attractive at all. In fact, arrogance usually kicks in my mean sarcasm mode as I feel compelled to take the man down a peg or two.

9. Be nice to animals. This one sounds a little weird, I'm sure, but how a guy treats animals is indicative of how he will treat other helpless, innocent things/creatures/beings.

10. Be well-read. Guys who are intelligent are hot. Having an intelligent conversation with a man is requisite. If there is one thing that is a huge turn-off, it's having to explain my vocabulary on a date.

Actually, this did turn into a top ten. Which is just fine with me. If I think of any other amazing things (which of course, I will) I'll be sure to post them.

Oh Where, oh where has Michelle gone?

2010-11-05T11:22:00.001-07:00

I suck. Not a lot, mind you. Just a little. My school year has been relatively stress free (hear me knocking on the top of my desk), so I can't use that as an excuse as to why I haven't updated this for so long. It's not because I've become a professional actress (though I am taking voice lessons). It's definitely not because I'm going on dates (not going to dwell on it, though).
Laziness might end up being the overall culprit. That, and absent-mindedness, which if you've known me for more than an hour, you've already witnessed.
October was a grand month. I got to celebrate my birthday along with five other people (those were the other people celebrating their birthdays at our joint party, not the total number of guests), and my principal gave us permission to use the gym at my elementary school, so it was a blast. We played with the parachute, street hockey set, and wrestling mats (just to name a few).

It also was my favorite time of year. Not just because I was born, but because Halloween is the best in my book. I get a lot of odd looks when I say that most of the time, it beats out Christmas for me. I had the idea for my costume at the end of Halloween last year (and you might ask, do I know what I'm going to be next year. The answer is abso-freakin-lutely I do.). I dressed as Miss Piggy and my friend, Randa, at school dressed up as Beaker. The kids loved it, though there were a lot of students who didn't know who Miss Piggy is. That, I feel, is a tragedy in our times. Most years I have two costumes. This year was the same. On Halloween Eve, a few of us went to see "Dracula" in Springville. We decided to dress up like vampires from Twilight. I was Bella, and I will tell you it is difficult to dress as someone so detestable. I practiced speaking without expression and biting my lip for hours.

Reasons Why I Love Teaching

2010-09-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

So, the new school year has started and it's going to be a fun year. These are things I can already tell. My students have a lot of personality, which for me is the sign of a good class. I feel I really have had some fun moments thus far in my teaching career. So many that I felt a Top Ten list would be ultra appropriate for this great time of year.

Top Ten Teaching Moments

10. Getting a note from a student that said: "Miss Rotar, I will miss you forever, even when I'm dead." There you have it, teacher love from beyond the grave.

9. After spending hours choreographing a 75 student dance to "Seize the Day," I watched all my cute fifth graders in newsies hats do the routine flawlessly for our Dance Festival. Best dance ever!

8. During our faculty softball game against the 6th graders, I was wearing my senior t-shirt from high school. Across the back is the year I

graduated ('98) in really large type. While I was up to bat, my students started chanting what they thought was my number. Ninety eight! Ninety eight! It was amazing.

7. After being sick and having to miss a day of school, a student presented me with a picture of me with horns and a tail being operated on by the devil. The caption at the top? "Get Well Soon" of course.

6. After telling my students about my favorite cartoon character from childhood (Jem and the

Holograms) one of them told me a few weeks later that she had been watching the episodes on Youtube. She finished them completely in another week or so. Two other students would follow suit. One of them even gave me a watercolor painting of Jem for Teacher Appreciation Week.

5. Being lovingly nicknamed "The Rotar" after the infamous Matilda character, "The Trunchbull."

4. Getting a note from my student with the name of his cousin and his cousin's phone number. The note said "Call him! If you have any questions, ask my mom."

3. Reading "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" a student was very confused during one part. "I don't get why the squirrel's head fell off." What? When we looked up the page she was talking about, the book read: "And then the squirrel completely lost his head." Yay for lessons about figures of speech, but I couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes.

2. When talking about dogs and how they give kisses, a student told me, "If people kiss like dogs, it's called french kissing." Such a great mental image.

1. Sincerely, when an old student of mine came to speak in front of all the teachers when my Teacher of the Year award was presented. I was crying pretty profusely, but they were good tears.

Being a teacher is too much fun. This is my 7th year, and I hope to have a whole other list in another few years.

How to Tell if You're in Oroville, CA

2010-08-04T19:22:00.001-07:00

I recently had a chance to visit my hometown of Oroville, CA. Some of you will know exactly what I'm talking about, and some of you will find out some interesting tidbits of information.

You might be in Oroville, CA if:

* You wake up early and find coyotes outside your house (and no, it was not just my dog )

* You find many people are wearing underwear as tops

* You don't feel bad at all going around town with no makeup on at all.

* You look out to the horizon and all you see is yellow grass with brown spots (kind of like dalmation foothills)

* You feel embarrassed to ask at the store if there is any Oroville memorabilia for sale.

* You get to practice "Dodge the Cow-patty" on the family ranch road.

* You have oodles and oodles of time (and I mean oodles)

Any Orovillians out there are welcome to add their own in the comments section.

I love Oroville, even though I make fun of it a bit. It will always be home to me.

Sometimes I Forget About Blogging

2010-07-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

But not today!

With all the different social media outlets these days, I can only focus on so many. Here are the latest things I've been up to!

1. Participated in "Bells are Ringing," a play in Springville. My character was relatively a small role, but my director really let me go nuts and ad lib all over the place. Plus, I wore three wigs for the show.

2. Became a Heritage Makers consultant. I've done digital scrapbooking for over a year now, so it seemed the best thing to do when my own consultant moved out of state. Love it!

3. I went on the best vacation to Boston! My brother, Mike, and his family provided us with a place to stay, meals to eat, and a car with GPS to get us around. We were there for the 4th and I have never seen such an amazing fireworks display! We also visited Salem, Lexington, Concord, and Plymouth.

4. Biggest accomplishment of the summer has definitely been the increase in bicycling activity. With the help of my friend Mike, I have embraced it and overcome several fears (such as riding around cars and semi-trucks). It even inspired a ward bicycling activity! LaNell would be so proud!

Stupid Things I've Done Over Guys

2010-06-15T22:43:00.001-07:00

I recently found a box full of old letters and notes from my younger years. Not only did it help me reconnect with my past, it reminded me of all the absolutely rejected things I've done throughout my life because I was infatuated. Some of them are from high school days, but some are unfortunately much more recent. Luckily, I haven't done anything shaming for at least a year. And even though some of these could be considered quite embarrassing, let's face it, I don't care anymore! If you remember any good ones, be sure to include them in the comments section.

Top Ten Stupid Things I've Done For A Guy

10. I once asked my friend to take pictures of her ultra attractive older brother. One of these photos accompanied me to college in a heart frame.

9. Spent most of a night with friends serenading a guy outside his window.

8. Learned all about different types of big rig trucks. I was actually able to identify almost all models from 50 yards away.

7. Allowed a couple of guy friends to "break in" to my house late at night where we then watched an edited copy of "Silence of the Lambs."

6. Drove all the way to several guys' homes (in another city) with a couple gal pals while the guys were on their missions. We drove around their houses, took pictures, made scrapbook pages, and sent it all to the guys in the field.

5. In order to get over a guy, held a "sacrificial burning" of every picture/object I had that had anything to do with him.

4. Had a habit of naming a stuffed animal after the nickname I gave each crush object.

3. Was a secret admirer to not one, but two guys. One of them happened to be a student teacher. That was excessively stupid.

2. Told a guy that I cared about him when I knew he didn't care about me (unfortunately, this has been repeated several times)

1. Wrote top ten lists. I will admit that there have been several top ten lists that were created specifically to get the attention of a male (and some of them have been put on this website).

Yes Virginia, There is a Public Education System

2010-05-01T10:00:00.001-07:00

I don't get on my soap box often. Well, at least I don't feel like I do. Today is one of those days.
I always think it's interesting when people complain to me about the public education system. They tell me how awful the teachers are and how their children are having a miserable time. Of course, this is interesting to me (and when I say "interesting" please realize I'm using my sarcastic voice) because I teach 5th grade in a public elementary school.
Let me say first that I love my job. I absolutely love it. Every day may not be trimmed in gold, but teaching isn't just an occupation to me. It's who I am, to some degree.
And yes, I know that not all teachers feel the same as I do. And yes, I know there are some teachers who deserve to be stuffed into bags and dropped into an obliging river. However, not all the problems in the public school system are the fault of the teachers.

Let me give you a glimpse of the public education system through my eyes. Every year, more and more responsibility is taken from parents and given to teachers. We have to keep track of whether a child's absences are excused or not. If they get a certain number, we're supposed to contact parents to tell them about the importance of getting their kids to school. If we don't do this, we can get in trouble. Our school can get in trouble with the state.
There is a large amount of information that we are required, by law, to teach. It's called the state core curriculum. It is expected that our students will master all concepts in the core by the end of the year. Every couple of years, they add things to the core, or change it completely.
The legislature of "No Child Left Behind" completely changed the face of education. The principle behind it would seem great: making sure every child is taught and doesn't fall through the cracks in the system. Sounds perfect, right? Unfortunately, in schools it translates as thus: If a child doesn't speak English fluently, or if they have a learning disability, or if they come from a family that doesn't put a priority on education, or if they've just given up, whatever the issues that their poor little souls have to deal with, they are expected to learn everything (in that awesome core curriculum) perfectly.
Isn't that possible, you might ask? Not really. I want all of my students to succeed. I want them to leave my class with all the knowledge they need in order to be successful in 6th grade. But kids don't learn at the same pace. I'm constantly trying to balance spending more time with struggling students, while not boring the students who mastered the concept within the first day of talking about it. There are some students that, even though we might spend a week on a subject, even if I work in small groups with them, even if I have a peer tutor work with them, or if I work one-on-one with them, they will still not retain any of the information. These students are not many, but they are there. I want them to succeed, but if they don't do as well as all the other kids on our end of the year testing, I'm considered a bad teacher.
And I internalize that.
So yeah, I love being a teacher. It is a tough job, where I feel the pressures of not only trying to educate every child regardless of their baggage, but the pressure of helping them become well-adjusted individuals with morals and a good work ethic. And yes, there are things within the system that are inconvenient for parents, but I feel the only reason it has become this way is because the government is constantly shifting more responsibility onto teachers. There are other options: charter schools, freedom schools, private schools, and home-schooling. Each choice comes with its own set of pro's and con's.
So, yes Virginia, there is a public education system. It might not be perfect, but we're trying.

Thus endeth the soap box.

The Organ is not a Sexy Instrument

2010-03-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

So, I play the organ in our church occasionally. It's not my calling, I just am helping fill in until someone is assigned the job. But today, as I was sitting up on my organ perch, I was looking out over the congregation and trying to catch the eyes of various men, when I had a realization. The organ is just not a sexy instrument.
Think about it for a moment. When someone mentions an organ, you immediately think of some old lady wearing knee high stockings squinting up at the music while she stretches to reach the foot pedals with her orthopedic shoes. Even if you've never had an organ player in your church that looked like that, it's still the picture in your mind, isn't it. So, it hit me that guys do not find playing the organ sexy.
This caused me to think about various instruments and their sex appeal. Tell me what you think.

Sexy instruments:
Electric guitar, drums (as in a set), violin, vocals, french horn, xylophone, and sometimes the piano (depending on who's doing the playing).

Instruments that are the antithesis to sexy:
Organ, clarinet, baritone, tuba, kazoo, saxophone, oboe, bass drum, and bassoon.

Instruments that are asexual:
flute, cello, banjo, trumpet, trombone, triangle, cymbals, piccolo, and nose whistle.

Top Ten Signs that You are Too Big of a Twilight Fan

2010-02-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a Twilight fan. I'll admit this. However, I feel that being a fan means being labeled as a fanatic (which there are several out there) and I do not believe I am one of "those" kind of girls.

Therefore, it is important that we define what is crossing the line. Here's a helpful guide.

10. You own/speak to a life sized cardboard cutout of a Twilight character.

9. You can quote whole passages by memory, and you insist on being costumed while you do so.

8. Any spoof of Twilight/New Moon is extremely offensive to you and causes you to write angry letters to obscure independent film makers.

7. You have ever compared Stephanie Meyer to the likes of Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Charles Dickens, or J.J. Abrams.

6. You went to the movies more than one and are over 35 years old.

5. You've created your own Twilight Role Playing Game.

4. You only date Robert Pattinson look-a-likes (pale, stick insects with bird's nest hair)

3. You quiz your kids nightly about Twilight book and movie trivia.

2. You write Twilight fan fiction (what if Edward dated Victoria?!)

1. You find gospel analogies within the pages of the Twilight saga.

By the way, if you want one of the greatest laughs of your life, watch Twilight with rifftrax

along with it.

My Favorite Valentine's Memory

2010-02-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

In the past, Valentine's Day has been a bit of a bitter day for me, usually filled with an unhealthy dose of sarcasm. I'm proud to report that this year I felt this strange sense of contentment. Perhaps it was because I was surrounded by great gal pals (it's very easy to think of oneself as a strong, single woman when hanging around several strong, single women).
Though there were some fantastic events that helped as well.
First, Saturday afternoon my friends (Mallory, Julianne, Jenni, Christina, and Megan) and I went to see "Young Victoria" (which is a great love story, by the way). Afterwards we went to one of my favorite restaurants, Gloria's Little Italy. The sad thing was that Gloria's had replaced their regular menu with an exclusive Valentine's Day menu. The only option was to get a 5 course meal for $30. Not my style. We just got dessert, and this dashing, young violin player came over to us (there were only three other guests at the time). He asked if we had any requests, to which I promptly replied, "I Will Survive" (in a very tongue-in-cheek manner). Go figure, he actually played it for me. I had to hum the beginning for him, but he did the rest. Isn't that so cool?! He let us make a few more requests, but put his foot down when "Single Ladies" was mentioned. I left him a tip when we were done.
Yesterday, my friend McKay brought me several valentines. He is extremely gifted when it comes to using a computer, and has a tradition of creating valentines that incorporate his face into pop culture images. I've decided to post a few of my favorites. Anyway, catching up with him made my day, and the valentines were just icing on the cake.
I hope that everyone had a great Valentine's Day, whether it was spent with someone you love or on your own.

Dear Diary,

2010-02-11T20:58:00.001-08:00

So, I've been sitting here for the last half hour, puttzing around on the computer and feeling very frustrated that I don't have a place to express myself completely. I mean, sure, there's Facebook (but about 30 of my former students are my "friends" on there). There's also Twitter (but my friends on there mostly all know each other, so there's no such thing as private venting). And then there's this blog (which who knows who in this world might be checking out at any time?!)
Moral of the story is that there are all these venues, and still no way to get out frustrations.
Then I realized, that's what diaries and journals are for.
That might sound completely ridiculous to you, because you probably write in your journal three times a day and even have a special room in your house for all your old journals. Such is not my case. I have a journal. It sits right next to my bed, a good holder for my tv and dvd remotes.
The extra sad thing about my journal is that I usually only write in it when something awful happens to me or someone I love. My nieces and nephews will glance through them after I die and think my life was crazy tragic, or something. Which is not the case, if you were wondering.
I just thinks it's interesting that as a culture, we have all this access to technology that is supposed to bring us closer together, and yet I feel much more isolated sitting here at my computer.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't a "woe is me" sort of post. It's mostly a "reflecting on life's situations" kind of post. Texting has replaced phone conversations with loved ones (which allow you to actually hear someone's voice) while instant messaging has replaced our need to have face to face communication with our friends. I won't lie, Facebook helps me keep "in touch" with several friends who I don't normally hear from. I would just rather get together more often.
Anyway, enough said. Venting over. Well, at least as much as I can do on here. Now, where did I put my pen?

I'm Not Josie Grossie Anymore!

2010-02-01T21:17:00.001-08:00

Or maybe I am, just a little. . . still.
When I first saw the movie "Never Been Kissed" and the character of Josie Gellar in high school, I thought I was looking at a recording from my middle school years. I was Josie Grossie back then,with my hair hanging in clumps and my bangs covering my right eye.
I'm willing to admit this because I feel like I've come a long way since then.
At least I did until just recently. You see, I went to a masquerade ball this last weekend. It was a lot of fun last year (I blogged about it then) and I decided I wanted to find an amazing gown for this year's ball. I ordered it online to be custom built to my measurements. And I wanted it dark green.
When the dress arrived, it was not even close to dark green. In fact, this odd green/red combination was a bit hideous to me at first. Also, I had asked for cap sleeves, and got puffy ones instead. When I put it on, the first thing I thought was "Oh no, this is Josie Gellar's dress." I then had to look it up on the internet to make sure I was thinking about her dress correctly.
I was.

The ball was a ton of fun, mostly thanks to Andy who was such a gentleman despite my lack of ballroom dancing finesse. My friend, Ruth, had been taking pictures during the ball, and she showed me them afterwards when we all went to eat at IHOP.
From the angles she took the photos from (usually the front), I was horrified because I thought I looked like I was wearing an 80's prom dress.
Luckily, when I got back home and looked at my pictures of the evening, I was consoled. Though I still see similarities.

Moral of the story? Masquerades are fun and it's nice to grow up. At least a little.

Ok, Top Ten Things Dates Have Done to Tick Me Off!

2010-01-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

So, my friend Carol had a brilliant idea. I've gone on enough dates to have some real doozies! Though I will admit, dating stories are the most interesting. I apologize if you are guilty of any of these heinous actions against me. Consider it payback! (Don't worry, I still love you!)
(Even though these will sound like I might have made them up, know that they are all legitimate!)

Top Ten Things Dates Have Done to Me (Resulting in Me Being Made Extremely Upset)

10. Ask me to go miniature golfing.

9. Order a crazy amount of food at the restaurant and then eat hardly any of it (when I was
paying for dinner) and then order dessert.

8. Ask me if I could ever love him (he was addicted to Porn, I found out later).

7. Ignore me the entire night, and spend it instead staring at his ex-girlfriend.

6. Show up looking like he had just dragged himself from a heap of dirty laundry.

5. Play country music to and from the date (the unforgivable sin!)

4. Try to get me to commit a misdemeanor (I didn't do it. Don't ask!)

3. Tell me how much he really liked one of my good friends and was thinking of asking her out.

2. Get upset at me for being late, even though I was picking him up (and I had apologized
profusely)

1. Leave the doorstep without kissing me like a mad-man.

Top Ten Ways to Tick off a Date

2010-01-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

Like all women, there are some dates I go on out of obligation. But not any dates I've gone on with you. I promise.
I don't know about any other gals reading this, but I have a hard time saying no to dates. I was raised to be kind and sensitive to others' feelings, which translates to me normally being pursued by men on the psycho/stalker side of life. Anyway, I've decided that there are a few simple steps a girl can do to ensure that she never gets asked out on a second date.

Top Ten Way to Make Sure You Don't Get A Second Date

10. Wear a turtleneck.

9. At dinner, chew your food with your mouth open and comment on how your ex boyfriend's cooking is so much better tasting.

8. As you walk next to each other, constantly kick your date's legs out from under him. Tell him this is due to "leg Turret's."

7. During the movie, call your mother and ask if her wedding dress is still available.

6. If at any time he tries to touch you, purr and rub your head against his shoulder or ankle.

5. Ask him if he'd like to help you put together your 1000 piece Edward Cullen Twilight puzzle.

4. At some time during the date, yell out "This man is not my father!" and try to run away.

3. Cry

2. Any time he's not looking at you, take something out of your purse and throw it at him.
(Those leather wallets can leave quite a welt).

1. At the end of the date, instead of a kiss or hug, you should hip-check him off the porch. Adios!

So there you have it. May all your dates be first ones.

Things I Learned From Being Home for the Holidays

2010-01-02T00:34:00.000-08:00

I love being home. It's my sanctuary. And when I refer to home, I'm talking about my parents' house in Oroville, California. As interesting as Oroville is, my family is ten times more so. It is in honor of my family that my latest Top Ten list is written:

Top Ten Things I learned from Being Home For the Holidays

10. Even though friends can be separated for months at a time without speaking, when placed together again, it’s as though they were never apart.

9. It is impossible to eat until one explodes. (“I’m pretty sure we eventually have to stop eating.” and “I cannot do chips and salsa. If I try, I’m pretty sure I’ll bust at the seams and vomit all over you.”)

8. If you run out of Henry Weinhard’s Root Beer, it’s perfectly acceptable to drive all over town looking for some more.

7. The holidays would be much nicer with a man (other than my brother and father). Sadly, I was in Oroville.

6. Christmas morning can be just as enjoyable if all three people sleep in till they feel like getting up.

5. No matter how much time you plan on having at home, it’s never enough to get everything done.

4. Even though nieces and nephews can be picky about food, if it tastes good, they’ll eat it . . . until it’s completely gone (kind of like roommates: if it’s left out, it’s fair game).

3. Marital status and number/age of babies determines rank in bedrooms. I slept on some couch cushions on the floor.

2. The Chico Mall is really small. Really. I was there for twenty minutes and was completely done with visiting all stores that were not Spencer’s, Hot Topic, and Wet Seal.

1. The nice people at the airlines will try really hard not to laugh when you attempt to check in at the airport on the wrong day.

An Exciting Christmas Gift!

2009-12-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Every year, I know my parents struggle to know what to buy for me. Which boggles me a little, because I always know what to buy for myself.

However, knowing that there is always a bit of confusion, and knowing that they don't appreciate wish lists and don't want me to have any idea of what I'm getting for Christmas, I made sure this year to drop a "not so subtle" hint.

I called Dad up one day and in the course of conversation, informed him that I was really excited because I had found a camera that I wanted at Costco and that I could easily save up the money to buy it. I told him the make, cost and location of said camera all in the guise that I would take several months to save up enough money to buy it (and no, it wasn't really that expensive of a camera, I exaggerated to him how long it would take me to get it, in hopes he would get it for me for Christmas).

Christmas morning comes and after a cursory glance under the tree, I decide that there is no camera underneath it.

Imagine my surprise when I open up a package and find not only the camera that I requested, but one vastly superior. I wanted one with a 10x zoom. I got one with a 24x. I wanted one that was 10 megapixels, and got one that was 12. I wanted one that was a Lexmark, and I got one that is a Nikon. I love my parents.

I've been so excited about using my camera and experimenting with all the different settings. I'm quite a nerd about it actually. I mean, my camera actually has a setting for taking pictures of fireworks, specifically.

Moral of the story? All of my friends with camera experience/knowledge are hereby requested to impart any/all knowledge of digital photography (i.e. shutter speeds, aperture, exposure, etc) as I am now ready to make my own knowledge match my excitement.

The Difference Between Men and Woman (a Q & A Session)

2009-12-07T21:26:00.000-08:00

So recently, in my singles' ward (for those of you of a different religion, I go to church with a bunch of other single people in the hopes I can find me somebody to love. . . insert Queen song) we had a presentation given by our stake presidency on how to communicate better with people of the opposite gender. In order to give this presentation, we were supposed to fill out a survey answering the following questions:

1. What is the best thing about the opposite gender?

2. What is one thing you would change about the opposite gender?

3. What is one question you have about the opposite gender?

4. What is one thing you wish the opposite gender understood about your gender?

5. What relationship question do you have?

Unfortunately, I was sick on the day we got these surveys, but I was able to attend the lesson a week later. The lesson itself was great. It really focused on communicating as opposed to the oft used "Men, date the women more. Women, flirt more with the men" speech that I'm so used to. And it didn't solely focus on dating relationships, but on all relationships (work, school, etc)

At the end of the lesson, our teacher gave us a compilation of the answers from men who had turned in the survey (minus their names, of course). The men were given the women's answers. I feel it is my duty to answer some questions posed and respond to some of the allegations put at the feet of women everywhere. And since I speak for all women, this should be good:

(these are actual questions asked by real-life men and the answers I've given are surprisingly sincere. So, if you're expecting a lot of sarcastic remarks, you'll be a bit disappointed.)

Q. What's the best signal to look for that you're genuinely interested?

A. Smiling. When I'm around someone I'm interested in, I can't stop smiling. If the girl you want is frowning a lot, I'd say take it as a sign brother!

Q. How do you talk to them (ask them out)?

A. Also, no rocket-science to this one either. Talk to us like human beings. Don't brag or go on and on about yourself all the time. I've been on dates where I felt like I had to hit the guy in order to get a word in. Don't put yourself down in front of us, unless we're already pals and I know better than to take you seriously.

Q. What do they say about us while going to the bathroom in "packs?"

A. Most of the time, nothing at all. Sometimes it's just a chance to check in the mirror and make sure we haven't turned into the creature from the Black Lagoon. We also talk about makeup, nieces/nephews, our dogs, and a myriad of other topics. If we do talk about you, it's usually nice. Though, if you've been awful, it is a good time to vent and get it all out of our system so we can go back and get through the rest of the date. But that's only happened to me a couple of times.

Q. Why are 99.9% of you crazy? As in not right in the head?

A. Now, this one actually offended me a little. I'm not going to say that all women are wonderful, sensible beings who always have other people's interest at heart. That would be pretty stupid. However, all I can say is that if the only women you've come into contact with are crazy, it's time to find a new dating pool. Yeah, if the only gals you're attracted to look like vain, selfish girls, most likely they're going to be vain, selfish girls that assume all men are in love with them.

If truth be told, I think men have it easy when it comes to the dating world. Women are so much more forgiving when it comes to physical appearance and personality "flaws." A guy pal of mine recently told me that his roommate was interested in a cute gal, but upon finding out she was a picky eater, lost all interest in asking her even on one date. Even on this survey, a guy said, "To be honest, and not trying to be mean, guys are initially attracted to the physical appearance of the girl, and if a girl seldom gets asked out, it may be that she has a few things of her physical appearance she needs to work on."

'Nuff said.

Sick is the new Cool

2009-11-20T20:29:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sick.

Again.

To those who I see daily, this should be shocking because it seems as though I've spent the majority of the last two months being ill.

Apparently, I just can't get enough. It would appear that I love being sick.

Top Ten Reasons Why Being Sick is Only For the Coolest of Individuals:

10. It gives my dad and I something to talk about:

Mish: Dad, I'm feeling sick.

Dad: Have you gone to the doctor? What if it's the swine flu? You know that kills people right? Promise me you'll go see a doctor this instant.

(ten minutes later)

Mish: Dad, it's ok. It just feels like a bad cold. A doctor wouldn't be able to do anything for me anyway.

Dad: Mish, listen to your father. You need to get it checked out. Do you need money? I'll send you some money if you need it to go to the doctor.

Mish: No, I'm fine. . . (conversation ends, twenty minutes later, with Mish promising to see the doctor the following day)

9. I always knew I was hot. Now I have a thermometer to prove it.

8. As one of my pals pointed out, coughing fits are excellent exercise for one's abs.

7. Being sick encourages my roommates to do nice things for me. In fact, just this evening, Kristina bought me a can of Lysol so I could disinfect the couch I've been inhabiting. (true statement)

6. I can catch up on all the miniserieses (how in the world would you spell that?) that I haven't had time to watch because I was trying to be social and stuff.

5. I have now become as scary and intimidating as my Rottweiler. In fact, if someone were to try to break in, and saw me, they'd run off thinking that I was going to chase after them and bite them.

4. I hear that the effects of a fever breaking can resemble a young, vibrant glow.

3. It takes talent to ooze out of various orifices. . . simultaneously.

2. My Star Trek dinner glass is mine. All mine. I don't have to fight for it, now that it's been "contaminated."

1. Fever-induced hallucinations are the new frontiers of imagination. Why just last night I had a fever dream that was insane. I dreamt that I was at school, but my principal had hired a substitute for me. The sub refused to leave and we were both trying to teach the class at the same time. Those subs.

Anyway, I sit here on my newly detoxified couch hoping that you and yours are feeling in good health.

It's My Birthday Present to Me!!!

2009-10-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

So this year, I decided it was time to treat myself to an awesome adventure, so I headed to Disneyland with three of my good gal pals. It was quite an experience. The first day, the longest we had to wait in any line was 20 minutes. We rode on all the rides several times and walked until we hurt. It was a little rainy, so that helped to cut down on the crowds.
The next day was our day at California Adventure. It was perfect. Again, very small crowds and so much fun. We walked around soggy for most of the day due to the rapids ride.
Finally, the third day, Tony Winkel came to hang out with us and we re-did all our favorite rides. The temperatures got a bit crazy and by this point there were tons of people there, but we had already done everything again and again. The best experience was waiting in line for Splash Mountain (the wait was 75 minutes, but we were really hot, so it was worth it). In line behind us was a little boy with his parents. It was obvious the little boy didn't want to go on the ride. He watched the drop off again and again while we waited, and he was just crying up a storm. Wanting to be helpful, my roommate, Kristina, sought to comfort him. What follows is by no means a gross exaggeration of the event:

Child's Parents: Don't worry honey, this ride isn't scary at all. They're all screaming because they're having fun!

Child: No, I'm scared. This ride is scary!

Kristina: It's just the drop off at the very end that's scary, and it goes really fast right there, so it's extra not scary!

Child: (whimpers)

Kristina: And then there are all sorts of critters and symbiotic organisms to look at when you're not facing a sheer drop off. Doesn't that sound fun?

Child: (vomits)

Kristina: Don't you hear that happy music? Doesn't it make you feel safe and secure? It gets louder right before the shrieking eels bite you.

Child: (dies)

And that's how it went.

Yes I'm still Alive

2009-09-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

I realize that it's been a while since I posted. I'm pretty sure the only person who is sad about that is my loving mother, who actually thinks I'm funny. So, I thought it would be appropriate to create a Top Ten list of things that have kept me from updating my blog:

Top Ten Reasons you Haven't Heard From me in a While (which may or may not be true):

10. I've been too busy dating. (and if you think that is true, I could also use some money.)

9. My new bedding is so comfortable, I can't bring myself to actually leave it (or wake up).

8. EPIC WARD ACTIVITIES 'nuff said.

7. I'm addicted to working on my personal history. I started it this summer, and am re-doing it
right now. Yep, that's right. Re-doing it.

6. I've been too busy making t-shirts in honor of my new favorite tv show: Glee!

5. I've been in a cocoon, progressing towards becoming beautiful butterfly.

4. Training a pack of wild dingoes takes dedication and stamina.

3. I've been watching so much Star Trek: The Next Generation that I actually thought I was Commander Riker.

2. School has left me a dry, husk of a woman.

1. I've been washing my hair. . . a lot.

School! We're Movin' on Up!

2009-08-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow morning.
Officially.
I'm so excited.
Some people think that having an entire summer off is the ultimate in fun and excitedness. And it is. I've been able to do lots of fun stuff this summer (being in a play, visiting family out of state, picking up new interests, etc.), but there comes a time in every summer where I miss being in front of my class. I miss teaching Math. I miss talking about fun books with people who are reading them for the first time.
Plus, it will be extremely welcome to have work to take my mind off of other things. So, wish me luck!

The kids on the bus look so happy. Wouldn't you if your bus driver was able to drive using only one side of the bus?! Talk about cool!

On My Way Home

2009-08-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

I'm actually sitting in the New York JFK airport at the moment, deciding which of the possibilities for time wasting sounds the most exciting. I have a brand new copy of "Flight of the Conchords" season two sitting next to me, and ipod in my bag, an awesome book that I'll probably read cover to cover before I get to Provo, and a Best Buy vending machine down the hallway that just looks so interesting (it appears as if I can buy ipods of all types and electronic accessories by inserting my card into a soda machine-looking like-thing). I chose blogging.
I have been lax in my blogging (about a month since the last tidbit of Michelle-ness-osity) and I apologize, kind of.
I've been traveling around a bit. Currently, I'm finishing up a trip to visit my brother, Mike, and his family in Boston (where they moved this past spring). Mom and I planned to show up on the same day, and we'd be followed by my sister, Tina, and her family. I assumed my adventure would be full of beans and cream pies.
Nope. Regardless of how grand my brother's house is, any place starts to feel small when 12 people are put inside it. My trip was filled with outings to various beaches, shopping in downtown Boston, and visiting the Plimouth Plantation (and no, I didn't spell that wrong). Being a history teacher, I loved the Plimouth Plantation (where actors dress up as the original colonists and they've recreated the original village of Plymouth.) I also got to go aboard the Mayflower II (a reproduction of the original). I saved several historical sites for my next visit (I'm looking forward to also seeing Lexington/Concord and Salem). So, if anybody's interested in joining up on the next Boston trip, let me know.

Top Ten Things I Love About Oroville (My Home Town)

2009-07-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm visiting home for a couple weeks (I promised Mom and Dad I'd make my trip longer this year, so I purposefully didn't get involved in any plays for the end of the summer.) Yesterday I went "exploring" and had a grand ol' time (but not a grand ol' opry). As I wandered around my home town of Oroville, CA, I noticed many things and a top ten list was born. Though it might only make sense to an Orovillian, perhaps the rest of you will enjoy it as well.

10. When in Provo, I'm always thinking there's nothing to do. Then I come to Oroville and I realize here, there's REALLY nothing to do.

9. When I say I'm going to "go into town" it actually makes sense, because my parents live outside of town. Whereas when I say it in Provo, I get funny looks.

8. Everything, everywhere you go, is on sale. I've already done all my school shopping for the fall and got it all at killer prices.

7. My multi-tasking skills get quite the workout. While waiting and waiting for my parent's dial up modem to do anything, I've had to find other things to do (watch movies, read books, pick nose, etc.)

6. "Yogurts to Go." Ever since I was a tiny person, the frozen yogurt store has always been amazing. The awesomest thing is that even though the business has changed names and owners through the years, the yogurt still tastes exactly the same.

5. With all sorts of free-time, I get to introduce Mom to various tv series she's unfamiliar with. This trip, it's Arrested Development. I didn't think she'd like it, but she keeps asking to watch more episodes. Rock on!

4. Whenever I bathe/put on makeup/brush my hair/brush my teeth, Dad always asks if I'm going out. Apparently, I'm expected to stay in my pajamas all day if I don't have any formal plans.

3. What I call the Oroville anomoly (and I know if I didn't spell that right, Andy will correct me). I drove through a lower income part of town, consisting of completely run down trailers and mobile homes. What struck me was that parked outside of EACH of these was a nice, new, shiny car. These cars had spoilers, new rims, custom tires, and chrome lights.

2. People here are so friendly! I went to a racquetball club to see if it was still open, and the members sitting outside started chatting with me and asking about my life (even talking about religion, go figure). I loved it! Easiest time making friends ever!

1. Men here actually look at me, like really look at me. Probably because of number 4.

Just Another of My Brilliant Ideas

2009-06-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

I hate Kristen Stewart. I'm sure she's a nice human being and all, but I absolutely despise her as an actress. The only thing I've seen her in that I enjoyed was "Speak." In it, she does what she does best: nothing. I've seen her smile twice (and those were only half smiles) and she is the queen of non-expressive line delivery.
When she was chosen to be Bella, I was enraged and horrified (ok, that might be an exaggeration). I imagine that they will continue to make the movies, and they will continue to cast Kristen Stewart in the role.

Well, I have found a very happy alternative. She even looks a bit like Kristen Stewart.
Her name is Missy Peregrym, and she is the star of "Stick It"(a shameless teenage flick that I absolutely love and will lend to anyone who promises to return it). She smiles, she has humor, and she's likable, even when she's playing someone with issues (and doesn't that describe Bella? It does to me.).

The one problem?

She could probably beat up Robert Pattinson.

"The Pajama Game is the Game I'm In"

2009-06-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

If you haven't spoken to me for a while (and why haven't you, because seriously, I thought we were friends) you haven't heard about the show that I'm currently in. It's called "The Pajama Game" and it takes place in the Sleep Tite pajama factory in Illinois. Technically it's a love story, but I don't really have that much to do with that aspect. My character is definitely a background type of individual. However, I have discovered that I am an eyebrow actor (somewhat similar to Michael Keaton). My facial expressions are off the charts. There's even a picture in the hallway of the theater where I'm making some sort of face that is way over the top. My character's name is Brenda, and she's a bit boy-crazy. I like to think of her sort of like myself, but without any common sense, or desire for the preservation of self-dignity. She decorates her sewing machine with pictures of her favorite film stars. It's been really nice because the director has really allowed me to ad lib a lot. Usually, my ad libs get bigger laughs than my written lines.
My absolute favorite character is Vernon Heinze. The actor who plays him is so creative and he can make even the quietest audience burst into the "Emphysema laugh" (you know, they're laughing so hard, it's mostly wheezing).
The show is playing every Friday, Saturday, and Monday until June 27th. Hopefully, you'll get a chance to come.

(photo courtesy of The Daily Herald)

Variety Show Pics/Dance Festival

2009-06-06T12:14:00.001-07:00

I ended up being in only two of the acts this year for our variety show. And yes, it did take place over month ago. But the pictures were still worth seeing.
This shot was during an SNL skit where a teacher becomes very frustrated at students' lack of knowledge. Unfortunately, I had no real life experience to draw from.Jenni and I performed "Flute Wars." This is my interpretation of Darth Maul. Fun, huh?
The others are of our Faculty dance for the dance festival (choreographed by yours truly). We dressed up like old people.Here I am in my old person glory (and no, that is not my real rear end. There was pillow taped to me underneath). I think this shot should be a future album cover for me.

Randa and I were partners for the swing portion. Our leg lift/kick was the highest and lasted the longest. We're just that cool. And yes, my pillow was starting to fall out at this point of the program.

Home, Home on the Range

2009-06-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

For those who haven't talked to me for a week or two, I've decided that this summer is going to be a time for trying new things (especially different kinds of sports). I have started golfing. And when I say started, I mean just barely. Golfing isn't like basketball or baseball. I don't see little kids golfing in the neighborhood. We don't have ward golfing activities. The only time I've ever seen golf is on tv, right before I quickly change the channel. I figured that anyone who plays golf must be about that good.
I'm wrong. One way I know this is because I now play golf, and I'm not good at all. Technically, I've yet to play an actual round of golf. I've been working on my swing at the driving range, which is where I'd like to focus most of my rant on for today.
This morning, I went, for the first time, all by myself to a driving range (this is my third time). There were only two of us out on the range, and luckily our backs were to each other because the other guy was a leftie. I was feeling pretty good about life, and feeling my skills were getting a bit better, when a truck comes by and dumps off a handful of teenagers all dressed the same. They sat in the grass about 60 feet away from me.
At first, as I'd hoped, they were oblivious to my presence. However, I was trying out some of my irons (my weakest shots definitely), and there was one that I sailed completely over without making any contact.
I heard a snicker from the peanut gallery. One kid had been watching me and he now hit another kid and pointed me out. A few more balls (and not very good hits) and I looked over and the entire crew was watching me.
I decided that I needed to show these folks that I didn't suck completely, so I got out my driver and hit the ball perfectly straight at about 180 yards.
In their face. I actually heard applause coming from their direction, though I wouldn't give them the satisfactions of looking at them.
I tell you this for several reasons:
1. I now hate teenagers
2. I found I can't play golf when I know people are judging me.
3. Actually, I can't really play golf at all, but I will continue trying and hopefully improving until I can play.

Hijinx at the Annual Softball Game

2009-05-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

It's a tradition that the faculty plays softball against the 6th graders at the end of the school year (and yes, I am enjoying my summer break already). As long as I have worked at this school, the faculty has always won.
It is also tradition that on this day of days, I wear my good ol' Las Plumas High School class of '98 Senior shirt. For those of you not blessed to grow up in Oroville, it has a large "98" on the back where all the seniors signed their names (in order to make it much easier to steal all of their identities). I do this for several reasons: 1. to show that I actually look better in the shirt now than I did back then. 2. If I wear the shirt anywhere else, it will show what an old spinster I am. 3. That shirt's dang lucky when it comes to softball games.
We were warming up before the game, and my students (along with most of the other 5th graders and some 4th graders) started chanting "Miss Rotar, Miss Rotar." You get the picture. What I thought was funny was when the chant changed to "Ninety-eight, Ninety-eight."
The students, thinking that 98 was some sort of sports number for me, were trying to be supportive for the game. The chanting actually lasted for a minute or two (which is a lot of chanting for elementary school kids).
And we did win the game.

Thanks to number 98.

If He Looks Like a Monkey, You Have Bad Taste

2009-05-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is actually dedicated to my friend, Kelly. I was talking about how much I enjoyed the new Star Trek movie (and all the exceptionally yummy on screen eye candy). So surprised, she said that she had seen the previews and thought that my favorite (Zachary Quinto, who plays Spock) looked like a monkey. But she couldn't remember his name or the name of the character he played. So the conversation sounded something like this:
Michelle: The guy who plays Spock is so dreamy.
Kelly: Are you serious? Isn't he the one who looks like a monkey?
Michelle: What are you talking about? You think Spock looks like a monkey? The new one or the old one?
Kelly: Huh? Doesn't he look like a monkey?
Michelle: I don't think either of them look like monkeys.
Kelly: Well, if he looks like a monkey, you have bad taste.
Mallory: Wise words to live by.

Last night I showed Kelly a pictures of the regular Zachary Quinto (not all Spockified) and she said that no, he doesn't look like a monkey.

Moral of the story: Slanted eyebrows and a bowl cut= monkey.
In case you were ever concerned about it.

The Bane of My Otherwise Enjoyable Existence

2009-05-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

My students have been taking the end of the year CRT tests this past week. These are the tests that are supposed to be seeing that they've learned and remembered everything they're supposed to in fifth grade. Last year all of my kids passed their 4th grade one with flying colors. I just got done looking at this year's math test. It's a BEAST!!! Just when I think I've got the test figured out from past years, and I try to help my students (all year long) to see the kind of questions they ask on the test (though I need to state that I don't share actual test questions with the students, but I do get them familiar with "testing language"), we get a new test, with completely different problems.
And you know what? It's harder. I can't go into specifics ('cause that's against the law, and I could actually lose my job over it), but I have to say, I'm crossing my fingers and saying prayers over and over that my kids will perform their best. They are all really bright kids, but this test has a way of making really bright kids look not so bright.
Wish me luck.

A Gaggle of Top Tens

2009-04-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm a fan of writing top ten lists, several of which have made appearances in this blog. Mallory has been working for a few months to compile many of my top ten lists into a book that I can pay to have printed. It turned out awesome! I'm so excited to get the first copy. If there are any of you who want a copy, you will have to pay me back for it, but you'll possess an amazing piece of American literature.
The title of the book is "A Gaggle of Top Tens: Musings, Rantings, Ravings, and Generally Bitter Remarks From A Girl Who Should Know Better." It's separated into 4 sections, dealing with life, religion, dating, and marriage. As I was taking a last look at the finished product last night on Mallory's computer, I was reading and kept chuckling to myself. I kept telling Mallory, "I forget that I'm funny."
I'm sure that was only pretty annoying.
And though I comment often on my bitterness, it's really not legitimate. In case any of you actually think I believe in the things I write. But, if you really know me, you already knew that.

Queen of the Variety Show

2009-04-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

I love acting. Especially when I get to act like someone completely different from myself, which is often (normally I get cast in the extremely ditzy or ultra seductive wannabe roles).
Therefore, whenever there is a hint of a variety show, I get very excited about the possibilities. It's not that I demand the attention. It's more that I have so much fun organizing skits and performances, that I just want to do several.
Now would be a good time to mention our ward's variety show.
I'm very excited. For those of you who have been in a college ward with me, you'll remember that I am usually in several acts (odds are, you've been in one of them with me. And if your name is Carol Atwater, you've been in almost all of them). Right now, I'm planning three, possibly four acts.
You might think that's a little overkill. However, it's important to note that much of my ultra-involvement stems from a desire to get others involved. One of the acts I'm planning actually features about a dozen people. However, this did get me to reminiscing on the past. Enjoy.
I played a little girl in "Phillip the Hyper Hypo."

Chad was willing to let me make him a rat tail for our New Kids on the Block lip sync. I made it from my own hair.This one started it all, the first New Kids on the Block lip sync to Hangin' Tough. I was Donnie.

One of my favorite characters to portray was Mary Catherine Gallagher. She made appearances in at least 3 variety shows.

Of course, there are several that are not represented. Among them being:
1. A re-enactment of a scene from "Emperor's New Groove."

2. A Spice Girls lip sync

3. A Milli Vanilli lip sync

4. An SNL skit featuring Penelope (the "one upper.")

And so many more.

Top Ten Easter Memories

2009-04-11T22:58:00.000-07:00

So, Easter's tomorrow, and I don't really have anything special planned to celebrate it. Jenni and I are singing in our Stake Sacrament meeting, but that's not really a celebration. More of a penalty. But the season has caused me to think on times past and the Easters of my childhood. (Insert the Ghost of Easter Past):

10. Racing Mike and Tina down the stairs to try and find all the Easter eggs. Since I was 8 and they were 16 and 15 respectively, I was clueless as to how much they didn't care about Easter eggs.

9. Making an Easter bunny cake for my "Secret Grandmother" Myrtle Carlin. I love that gal! She would actually write me back notes (even though she didn't know who her "Secret Granddaughter" was at the time. She now knows, so don't worry about letting the cat out of the bag). But yeah, that Easter bunny cake looked awesome.

8. Being amazed (and, to tell you the truth, I'm still somewhat amazed) by the idea of putting those plastic wrappers on eggs and then boiling them to make the plastic shrink and stick to the egg. I want to say that they're called Shrinky Dinks, but I know I'm wrong.

7. Most of the childhood Easters I remember were after Mike and Tina were out of the house and onto having futures and whatnot. But I remember very clearly sitting down, just Mom and I, to dye all the Easter eggs. We made sure to decorate one for everyone in the family (even extended family) so we could deliver them on Easter morning. Good times.

6. This is actually a memory from my mission. Pennsylvania is the only place I've ever seen that takes EVERY single holiday as seriously as most people take Christmas. It was in Pennsylvania (Cannonsburg to be specific) that I first saw Easter trees, which consist of hanging Easter eggs, ribbons, and confetti on all the trees in the front yard.

5. Going to visit Grandma. I can still hear her calling out "Oh my. Don't you look beautiful!" This world needs more grandmas.

4.HAM!!!! Yep, I said it, and now you're salivating. Sucker!

3. The hunt for the perfect Easter dress. I remember there was a particular year where mom and I couldn't find anything. Finally, we found a little dress in a store called "The Hole in the Wall," which was in downtown Oroville, and actually was a hole in the wall.

2. And speaking of the perfect Easter dress, they mostly came from "Miniworld" (I think that was the name of the place). Most of my dresses (up until I was 10 years old) had a crinoline petticoat under them, to help keep that Shirley Temple-esque shape. Why didn't anyone tell my mom those are only cute on girls 5 and under! Shame on all of you Orovillians.

1. And still speaking of dresses, I was able to convince Mom to buy me an Easter dress as recently as last year. Old habits die hard, but thanks Mom, I still love it!

A Tribute to "Flight of the Conchords"

2009-04-10T07:23:00.000-07:00

Last Monday night, our ward dyed Easter eggs for Family Home Evening. Struggling to find an idea for an egg that I could really sink my teeth into (and no, that was not an intentional pun), Mallory and I decided to create our favorite characters from HBO's "Flight of the Conchords." For those of you not familiar with the show, I don't recommend it for kids (I would rate it PG-13 for the most part). It's the story of a band from New Zealand trying to make it big in New York. Problem is, the two guys in the band, Bret and Jemaine, have hardly any talent. What makes the show so fun, however, are the music videos that the two guys dream up. Anyway, so you know who each egg is (from left to right):
Murray- Band manager. He insists at taking roll at every band meeting (which they hold in his closet sized office).
Bret- (This egg was made by Mallory) Shy member of the band. Infamous for wearing hideously out of fashion t-shirts and sweaters (the kinds with tigers, unicorns, or kittens on them).
Jemaine- My personal favorite. Jemaine is always trying to get the girl. Usually this is unsuccessful, because the girls are mostly attracted to Bret ("Jemaine's features are too deep set to be considered classically handsome").
Brabra- Brabra (that's how you spell it, and pronounce it) was really only a one timer on the show, but she was played by one of my favorite SNL gals, Kristen Wiig. Her character had an epileptic dog, for which the guys threw a charity fundraiser (featuring strobe lighting and rock music, which caused all the epileptic dogs in the audience to have seizures. You get what kind of show this is, right?)

If you're wondering why the eggs are only drawn on with pencil, it's because I was working with really limited materials at the church. Obviously, if I had my markers, it would have been just this side of amazing.

Don't Worry, It's Just an Old Man Crush

2009-04-06T11:50:00.001-07:00

I feel like I've been using this phrase a lot lately. I feel the whole theme goes well with my Top Ten list about why it's cool to date older men.
This particular candidate, for those of you who live your lives without "House," is Hugh Laurie. I first saw him as the disgruntled husband to Charlotte Barton in "Sense and Sensibility." He had dry humor mastered!

Watching him in "House" (a television series about a cantakerous, socially inept doctor) is awesome. I totally think he's attractive. Some might think that I'm strange being attracted to someone who is old enough to be my father. It's probably because my own father is quite a bit older (though that still doesn't stop me from having a crush on Christopher Plummer).
So there you have it: my number one old man crush.

An Ode to a Man I Love (Who I Probably Shouldn't)

2009-04-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

So, I'm a 28-year old school teacher. That having been said, there are some men that I totally crush on that I really shouldn't (either due to societal norms or my own moral code). I would like to make this into a recurring segment.
Today, I'd like to focus on my favorite as of today. His name is Gerard Way.
Gerard is the lead singer of the band "My Chemical Romance." The band (labeled as being of the emo genre) really came into the light with their album "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" (which is also the resting place of my favorite song of all time: "I'm Not OK"). Though their most recent album met with mixed reviews, I absolutely adored it. The craziness started when I saw one of their music videos and fell in love with Gerard.
The idea of me (the aforementioned 28-year-old teacher) crushing on someone who wears makeup and nail polish (and black on black ensembles) is somewhat humorous.
One of the comments I made to Randa (who teaches 6th grade at Aspen) was "I think eye liner is kind of sexy on guys."
Probably why I'm so into theater.

So tune in soon for my next inappropriate crush object.

What the World Needs Now is Hugs, Sweet Hugs!

2009-03-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

Something I've been thinking about lately is how I like hugs. I like giving them, and I definitely like getting them. Every day my little fifth grader with autism gives me a hug on his way out the door. Even if he's had a hard day where I've had to really push him to get his work done, he shows me he cares by giving me a big ol' bear hug.
Is it growing older that makes us less likely to hug each other? I look at teachers in the younger grades and they pretty much have to scrape little kids from the legs and waists with a spatula. Kids get older and they get less "huggy." Then you have the quite older kids who I feel have stopped hugging altogether. (In case you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about my own age group and older).
So I am hereby calling on all my peers to hug more often. A real hug can make someone's entire day go better. I am personally making a goal to hug more people. If you DON'T want a hug from me, you'll have to fend me off with some type of stick.
And as I tell my fifth graders, it doesn't mean you "love" someone, or you want to marry/date them. It simply a way of telling someone you care.
And if you pat my back when I hug you, I'll elbow you in the esophagus.

I Love Sushi so Much, I Threw a Party for It!

2009-03-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

So, back in the days of my birthday (this past year) my roommate, Wendy, promised me that she would make sushi, and moreover, teach me how to make it.
Now, it is not commonly known how much I love sushi. Thus, the idea of being able to create my own at a fraction of the cost was quite exciting. Wendy went out and bought all of the ingredients using her connections with the Asian underground. And on Friday night, she taught me how to roll my own sushi.
Here is an example of one of my own creations. It was made with rice, eel, avocado, cream cheese, and Samurai Sauce (which Wendy totally stole from "Happy Sumo" but we won't tell anyone. . . that doesn't read this blog). Unfortunately, it was quite difficult to cut my roll into pretty pieces. It turns out I'm not the most skilled sushi maker just yet. But I totally get points for creativity, as my next creation also included salmon. We were also joined by Sharon, Kelly, Jenni, Kristina, and Ching Ping for festivities
What this really translates to is that I now have something else that I can make that tastes really good. And though that might not mean much to you, it makes a big difference in my formerly sushi barren world.

Just When You Thought The Hype Was Over

2009-03-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

It so isn't.
The boys are back.
It started in November, when Kelly and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert. As previously stated, it was hands-down the best concert I've ever been to. Kelly and I decided that night that we wanted to go to another concert. Unfortunately, the Kids went touring in Canada, then Mexico, followed by Europe.
They are now back in the states.
As I was searching the possible venues, I found one in California that happens to be just an hour or two away from my parents' house (at an arena in Fresno). Only crappy tickets remained, so I utilized my trusty neighborhood ebay and found tenth row tickets for a large amount of money.
Of course, they were purchased.
I mean, the concert is during my spring break. It was fate that led me to NKOTB (that's New Kids on the Block for you lame-os out there).
So, in April, Kelly and I are drivin' down to good ol' Oroville, CA. We're planning on making a stop at the Shirt Tree to have some custom t-shirts made. We want them to say "Utah Girls Love New Kids."
If you can think of other options, I'd love to hear them.

My Life Has New Purpose!

2009-03-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

I went to good ol' Barnes and Noble the other day with Mallory and Kristina. It would seem that I was in the mood to impulse buy some quality literature. As we were perusing the shelves, I wandered over to the journal section, where I found this beauty. It's called "Listography" (obviously from the picture). I'm pretty sure it's an answer to prayer. Every page has a different topic for a list (like a list for things you're afraid of, embarrassing habits, favorite smells, etc). For a girl who spends a chunk of her weekend making Top Ten lists, I feel it's kismet that I found this book.
Also, if I'm ever blessed to have offspring, they'll know their mom was one weird chick.
Right now you're wondering if everything I write will find its way onto this blog. It's possible, but not likely. 3/4 of the top ten lists I write don't get on here. Some are just not that funny, would expose me to a certain amount of ridicule (more than I currently handle), or are too vengeful to post.

Deliciousness on a Stick. . . With an Aussie Accent!

2009-03-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

I watched "Australia" last night. I have one thing to say: YUM! I haven't had that much gratuitous eye candy for prolonged periods of time since "Lord of the Rings" came out (Viggo, I'm still waiting for your call).
At first I was a bit hesitant to see it. A movie based on a cowboy?! I despise country music. In fact I could count the country songs I like using two fingers. I established my opinion of cowboys when I watched them walking around my high school. In my mind, a cowboy is someone who wears painted on jeans with a belt buckle the size of the Chrysler Building. Oh, and watch out for their hat, it could take your eyes out (and that's just by looking at it. Imagine what would happen if it actually touched you!)
So imagine my surprise when Hugh Jackman comes on screen looking all scrum- diddly-umptious. All of a sudden, cowboys take on an entirely new definition.
Though the movie was long, and had multiple story arcs, I felt it was really well done. The acting was fabulous (I knew I admired Nicole Kidman for some reason) and the shots were beautiful. Like all films these days, it does have a bit of a scandalous scene. Luckily, it's pretty brief.
Anyway, loved the movie, loved Hugh, love, love, love.

But I still don't like country music.

Top Ten Things That Make Guys Really Weird

2009-03-01T20:55:00.000-08:00

In my ongoing struggle to understand men and how they think, I created this list which contains the things with which I have the hardest time. Perhaps, if you can give me any insight into these items, I will be able to empathize with men better.

10. Their intimate relationship with pizza (of any kind, really. It's the ONE area they're not that picky in).

9. Socks with sandals. Ew!

8. No matter how gross/morbidly obese/b.o. producing they are, they still feel they're entitled to a swimsuit model.

7. Their overwhelming and powerful addiction of needing all the latest in technological advances-- gadget obsession.

6. The hold that bacon has over them. If only I could market a bacon scented women's perfume. . .

5. The most fashion conscious they get is when they match their socks (and that is even optional on occasions.)

4. They're much more likely to use the same bed linens they used in high school. (It's probably been that long since they've washed them as well.)

3. They can't talk about anything that might actually matter. Of course, neither can I. Maybe I'm a man.

2. There's a corn chip smell that's really never been explained to me

1. The free-ness they feel with their bodies. You'd never see a chick walking around her apartment all naked.

The Math Musical: Grand Finale

2009-02-27T15:29:00.001-08:00

If you were thinking this is going to be a post begging people to come help out with my "Math Musical," then you are about to be surprised. . . . it isn't.
What it actually is, is a chance for me to say thank you to everyone who did help out. I have been working on the concept/lyrics/recording/writing/filming/editing of this flick for the past six months. That's quite a while in my life. The word that keeps coming to mind is "EPIC." Normally I reserve the use of that word for films like "Lord of the Rings" or "Gone With the Wind." But I feel the "Math Musical" rates right up there. I mean, sure, if Peter Jackson had to do most of the work by himself, I bet he would have just as many continuity issues as I had.
Last night I presented the musical to my BYU professor. She had only listened to one song up until that point (I had to let her hear the song where I quote all my sources, because I'm just so stinkin' proud of those lyrics).
Afterwards, she came up to talk to me and said that the thing I should be the most proud of is the fact that I had so many colleagues and friends who were willing to help me film, especially considering some of the silly things I made them do.
At first I was slightly offended. Hadn't she seen my amazing editing skills? Hadn't she taken the hours of song writing and recording that went into it? Or the way it was burned creatively onto a dvd with a professional looking menu and everything? These were all things that I had been so proud of.
However, as I thought of it, out of all those things I was proud of, not one of them would make me a better person, or could show me how many great people are in my life. (Insert Hallmark Moment). All kidding aside, my friends are one of God's greatest blessings in my life. And it goes to show how amazing they are when they're willing to help out with a project like this. So, thanks everybody. It (and I) would have looked excessively pathetic if you hadn't been there.

P.S. Like I've said before, I can't post it on You tube due to issues if one of my students sees it. Therefore, if you wish to witness "Math Musical" in all of its glory, I'm just a phone call/text message/IM away.

How to Tell a Woman By Her Purse

2009-02-14T23:51:00.001-08:00

Everything you want to know about a woman, you can find out by investigating her purse. However, from what I understand about most men, they still don't know what to make of the things they find in there. I will take the next few moments to decipher this ancient code.

We'll go by purse style first:

Designer purse: The girl that carries this kind of purse is one to watch out for. She spent over 300 dollars on a bag that will get worn out and thrown away in less than a year. Run away from these purses. They are usually attached to extremely high maintenance girls who care much more about their appearance than anything/anyone.

Imitation designer purse: The gals that carry these are interesting. They want to look like they're incredibly stylish, but in actuality are way too cheap to shell out the serious cash.

Payless Purses: This refers to the most common type of purse: one found at a department store of some type. These rank low on the imagination scale, but high on the practical one. Women who use these types are easily pleased, are not overly concerned about appearances, and are usually quite fiscally sound.

Purses that could hide a small terrorist: I like to call these the "Mom" purses. Luckily, these have recently come back into fashion, but a few years ago, it was very easy to spot the moms just by their bags. Once a child gets too old for Mom to cart around a diaper bag, she transfers most, if not all, of the contents to her purse. The result is the picture above. It becomes a combination of Mary Poppin's bag and the Black Hole.

No purse at all: These women are most likely homeless. You should beware because if you date a woman that does not own a purse, she will most likely depend on your pockets for carrying her essentials, or her recyclable cans.

I've Been Bored, So I Exercised My Humor Muscle

2009-02-12T21:21:00.000-08:00

So, I actually saw this on Facebook. I have been lying in bed for the past week (with just a few exceptions) and I decided this could be an amusing way to pass the time.

1. Do you like blue cheese? Can't we all just be color-blind when it comes to cheese? Actually, I have a friend who is color-blind. I wonder if he can see blue cheese.

2. Have you ever been drunk? No, but I have definitely felt the impaired judgement of Loritab.

3. Do you own a gun? Not yet. Dad Rotar keeps promising me he'll give me his collection. I think he's afraid I'll shoot myself in the eye, which is why he's withholding.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Any flavor in which the appropriate amount of sugar is used. Had a roommate once who liked to guesstimate.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? I get more nervous that my car is going to break down on the way there, or that I won't find it in time.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Bring on the mystery meat!

7. Favorite Christmas movie? This will sound so random, but "Tiny Toons Christmas Special" and the She-Ra/He-Man Christmas Special

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? hot chocolate. Ymmmm. Actually, it's my beverage of choice for all times of day.

9. Can you do push ups? Yes, but I'm better at wearing one (don't think about that one too hard)

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? That's like asking which grain of sand is my favorite. Though, there is a great three piece red stoned necklace that I really like.

11. Favorite hobby? Acting!

12. Do you have A.D.D? Not officially. But it really only flares up when I'm a meetings for school stuff. Sometimes there's a little overkill in reiteration.

13. What's your favorite shoe? My new black sassy high heels with the ankle strap. They make me feel like a hot mama.

14. Middle name? Ann. But I prefer for people to call me "Your Highness"

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I should stop thinking about (insert guy's name), ow my stomach hurts, I should really stop thinking about (insert same guy's name)

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, milk, and the elixir of love.

17. Current worry? What if it takes me so long to write this note, that I'm late for my next appointment?

18. Current hate right now? I'm not a hater. Though stomach aches rate right up there.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? Ward activity, of which I was in charge of.

21. Where would you like to go? Somewhere in a hand basket. No, I'd like a trip to Australia or New Zealand.

22. Name three people who will complete this? There are no friends of mine that would get excited about this.

23. Do you own slippers? Yes, but it's hard to find pairs that haven't been partially digested by a certain yellow lab puppy.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Gray. I'm wearing gray pants too. Huge fashion faux pa (spelling?)

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? Can one actually sleep on Satin sheets? I thought one just slipped right out of their bed when attempting such a feat.

26. Can you whistle? Only when I'm blowing into my hot chocolate (no joke)

27. Favorite color? PURPLE!!!!!

28. Would you be a pirate? Do I get to hang out with Will Turner? Then yes!

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whichever song I'm currently learning for a show.

30. Favorite Girl's Name? Michelle, duh.

31. Favorite boy's name? Tennyson. Don't hate me, I absolutely love it.

32. What's in your pocket right now? What does this actually tell you about me? Lint, that's what.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Better question would be: what was the last thing that DIDN"T make me laugh. I usually make myself laugh. That happens about once every ten minutes.

34. Best bed sheets as a child? I almost cried tears of joy when I turned 8 and was given an entire bedding set that was purple with unicorns on it.

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? I was too young to remember, but apparently I fell off a table and my front two teeth were shoved back into my gums. Luckily, they were baby teeth.

36. Do you love where you live? It's been a whole eight months since anything catastrophic happened (which I know means that tomorrow, the roof is going to cave in), so yeah, I love it.

38. Who is your loudest friend? Carol Atwater. And she knows it.

39. How many dogs do you have? One. But she's the size of three, so that should count for something.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? There is not a snowball's chance in h***.

41. What is your favorite book? AUGH! I hate this question! We'll go with "Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging" for today.

42. What is your favorite candy? I don't discriminate against food.

43. Favorite Sports Team? Whichever one won't mind if I don't watch their games.

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Jeremiah was a Bullfrog. Or maybe "Thriller" just so the crowd could burst into spontaneous dancing (or flames, whichever)

The Truth is That I Look Good in my Hospital Gown

2009-02-06T05:53:00.001-08:00

Thought I'd let everyone know that my surgery went really well. My pesky, angry, red gallbladder is out and now I'm well on the way to recovery. I went in yesterday morning, first to get some lab work done, then onto surgery. I had to wait about 2 hours because there was some miscommunication between my surgeon and his office. He thought his appointments started at 8, when they started at 7. But it wasn't too bad waiting. Mom is in town to make sure I don't die or anything and she kept me company. One of the nicest things was the nurse team and staff at the surgical center. I would normally feel a bit scared/nervous (yes, I admit, I occasionally feel scared/nervous), but they were so great. We were joking around and they were really concerned about my pain. And they provided me with an ultra stylish pistachio green hospital gown that as I put on in the bathroom, I actually turned in the mirror and thought "wow, this is really flattering on my figure" without even a touch of sarcasm.
After the surgery was over and I started to come to, I was amazed at how much pain my body could feel. After two shots of morphine, and the pain not relenting much, they gave me two more shots of Demoral until I finally wasn't in agony. Mom says it's preparing me for childbirth (ha!). I was very proud of myself for not screaming or anything, and I even got up and walked around the recovery room without much help. I kept thinking about what my dad always used to say when I was a kid: "Tough as nails, kid. Tough as nails." That was the mantra going through my head.
Anyway, now I'm to the relaxing and resting portion. I had a few visitors last night and I have to say Heavenly Father must love me something fierce because I have the best friends in the whole world. Oh, and if you want to see a picture of my gallbladder, just let me know. Apparently, it was filled with sludge and white particles.
Man, life is good.

Moral of the Story is: I Need to Go To More Dances

2009-02-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

Some of you might have heard about the masquerade ball that a few friends and I attended on Friday. Talk about fun. The evening started out with getting ready. For me, getting ready is one of the most fun parts of the night. I wore a gown I had previously purchased for a play (in which I played a seductive countess), and a mask I had made two days earlier. Kelly came over and I helped her get into her outfit, after which I helped Kristina with her hair. Two of my guy friends had canceled at the last minute. I called up Andy to see if he wanted one of the tickets. After a little coaxing, he was game. Kelly, Kristina, and I went over to Brittany and Gwen's house to wait for them to get ready. To make a long story much more palatable to my ADD audience, when all of us arrived at the ball, it was amazing! Most people were in formals and it was looking a little reminiscent of Prom. However, a few individuals, including men, were in costumes. The main dancing area was devoted to top 40 hits and also dance grooves from previous years (including some that took me right back to those old stake dances). There was a room upstairs in which people were giving instruction in dances from the 17 and 1800's. However, with one boy, five girls, and little space, we didn't stay in that room long. One of my favorite moments of the entire evening was when the first slow song came on. We all were just sort of standing there looking at each other awkwardly. Finally, Andy says, "So, should we start a dance rotation or something?" Maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was quite funny. My dress was a bit cumbersome. I stepped on it routinely, as did those around me. When I tried foxtrotting with Andy, I virtually slipped and slid all over my dress, even occasionally accidentally pulling it down partially, then quickly grabbing it up. Luckily I had the most ginormous slip ever created underneath. I blame any bad foxtrotting on the dress and not on the fact that I haven't danced ballroom style in over 6 years. Afterwards, we went to IHOP, as all really awesome people do. However, by this point, my corset was digging into my sides (my sides still hurt all Saturday!). Overall, it was tons of fun. I've decided I want to go every year. But next time I want a man all to myself. Get working on that, will ya?

"I Enjoy Hiking, Fishing, Anything Outdoors"

2009-01-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

As I have already confessed, I've been lackadaisically checking out online dating opportunities. One thing that has really stuck out to me is how about all of the "profiles" for men sound exactly the same. Seriously, every boy likes to fish, hike, run, hunt, etc. In fact, I will recreate a generic profile that could be used by any man on ldssingles.com.
"Hi, I'm new to this whole online thing, but my friends told me I should try it out. I'm a really active person who enjoys hiking, climbing, biking, really anything outdoors. I'm looking for a kind, fun, laid back girl who likes to stay fit."

Now, let me translate this for you:
"Hi, I'm new to this whole online thing (I'm really a liar. Nobody is new to online things anymore), but my friends told me I should try it out (and obviously, I'm going to do it because I don't have an opinion or brain of my own). I'm a really active person (when I'm not surfing the net or playing video games) who enjoys hiking, climbing, biking, really anything outdoors. I'm looking for a kind (but no "sweet spirit" types), fun(but not too funny. She should be laughing at my jokes exclusively.), laid back (who still knows how to look really hot, but doesn't come with any emotional baggage) girl who likes to stay fit (someone who could be mistaken for Angelina Jolie, or maybe even Natalie Portman. Needless to say, she should be really skinny and told she should go into modeling often)."
I've decided that there are two types of people doing online dating stuff: the people who have severe emotional/social dysfunctions which would normally prevent them from dating at all, and people who are so fabulous, but for some reason have gone unnoticed under other people's radars. You can decide for yourself where you think I fit.
I think it would be refreshing to read something completely different in an online profile, even if none of it was true.

For example: Hi, I'm an ex-trapeze artist who has clown fear. My favorite hobbies are: badger chasing, picking my nose and flinging it on my roommates, swimming the English Channel (58 times and counting!). I studied in Ancient History, but am currently pursuing a career in taxidermy. I like to make movies as opposed to watching them, and I've been told by my friends that I'm really sensitive and smell like leather. I would definitely want to communicate with someone who'd write this!

Presenting the "Math Musical"

2009-01-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

Which is at least 15% cooler than the "High School Musical." Here's the low down: I've been taking a math class for the past year and a half to make me a better teacher. We have a culminating research project that we've pretty much been working on for a year. We had a few options as to how to present our project: research paper, Powerpoint presentation, decorative poster, or other technology based format. While brainstorming the different meanings of "other" I came up with the idea to present my project in the form of a musical. On film. Written, directed, filmed, starring, and edited by myself. My professor agreed to it, but I'm pretty sure she didn't think I would actually do it. Oh, how wrong she was.
I'm finally starting the filming of said musical tomorrow (Saturday). I might only have 3 people show up (which will be very exciting to make look as if they are 30 students). I guess we'll have to see. Unfortunately, in order to see the finished product, you have to actually be in contact with me, because it is unethical to put it on Youtube.
However, if you would like to be a part of the making of the musical, by all means let me know. You don't have to be a singer or a dancer (though there is some light choreography. I just think that the campier it looks, the more effective it will be at portraying my message).
Should be fun.

Officially Giving Up Younger Men

2009-01-06T18:24:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it, I've been looking at online dating possibilities.
I know. You're ashamed, right? It's just that being 28 years old has opened my eyes to the fact that the majority of guys I've gone on dates with in the past few years have been quite a bit younger than I am. So, I'm broadening my horizons.
As I'm broadening my horizons, I thought it would be appropriate to share a top ten list I made a few months ago (when I was actually pursuing an older man).

Top Ten Reasons to Pursue an Older Man

10. I don't have to worry about paying his way through school.

9. He should already have a full set of pots, pans, and other kitchen supplies (which means the wedding reception would be gift card central!)

8. He has more emotional maturity than a turnip.

7. He won't mind my 40-year-old-esque body.

6. It's a good way to tick off my parents . . . really tick them off.

5. Because there's something a little "off" with all the younger ones.

4. He'll be fully capable of taking care of my massive backyard.

3. He comes from a generation where guys actually ask out (and spend time with) the girls they're interested in.

2. Because I'm tired of dating guys that just learned to shave.

1. It would be nice to actually know less than my man. (for both of us)

The Ultra Sound Results are in! It's a ...... Gallbladder!

2009-01-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

So, I'm weird. For many reasons. Get over it.
However, the most recent thing that has made me unique (aka special and a person like none other) is that this morning I had an ultra sound. Not because I'm pregnant (unless that immaculate conception thing has come back into style), but because I've wanted to vomit for the past week.
When I went to the doctor and explained my ailments (and how this has happened multiple times in the past, but it only lasted a day or so) she informed me that I most likely had Gallbladder disease (known as Cholecystitis or something like that) which meant that my gallbladder was all angry inside and didn't want to help digest fat. This means that anytime I eat something that has ANY fat in it whatsoever, I have to fight the urge to claw my belly open and rip out my innards. Therefore, I went to get an ultra sound today to see if there were any gall stones which were causing my gallbladder to behave irritably. The doctor didn't find anything, and signed me up for another test next week. Apparently, it is very common to have one's gallbladder removed.
I have a few alternative treatments to surgery that I would like to suggest to my doctor when I see her:

1. Massage my gallbladder. It's had a tough life and probably just needs to feel a little pampered for a change.

2. Compliment my gallbladder. I know that I perform better when I've been complimented and feel that people are confident in my work. Perhaps, my gallbladder is suffering from poor self-estem.

3. Gallbladder transplant. If people can live without their gallbladders, I bet dogs can too. Nadra would only be too happy to oblige.

My favorite part was my dad's response (always wanting to look on the bright side): "Well Mish, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. You might lose some weight."

Yep. I sure could.

Ode to Oroville

2008-12-23T16:39:00.000-08:00

I've always considered coming home to be somewhat like re-charging batteries. Meaning that I get so busy, over-stressed, and down on myself during the year, and then I come home to our ranch and I have a week or two to regain my sanity (or whatever you might call the semblence of reality that I possess).
I went to our family's ward (the one I grew up in) this past Sunday, and I truly relished being surrounded by people that I believe truly helped shape me into who I am. Now, if you're not very happy about who I am, first of all, I have to wonder why you're reading my blog, and second of all, I would have some very wise statements to tell you containing words like beam and mote. But that is for another time. In a slight derailment from the normal sarcasm, I'd like to take a few minutes to sincerely point out some hidden gems in the city of Oroville:

1. My parents. I know, they're really not all that hidden. In fact, I think sometimes people might wish they would be a bit more stand-offish. However, I've never met anyone as generous in all my travels. On Sunday, my dad was driving all of us home from church and we had his hometeaching companion in the car with us. My mom was mentioning how we were going to be having spicy filled hot dogs for dinner. When the hometeaching companion mentioned how he thought that would be tasty, and my dad whole-heartedly agreed with him, my father then offered our dinner of spicy hot dogs to this 17 year old boy. My dad is so generous, he's willing to give away our dinner.
My parents are still trying to "get " me, which I think is humorous. My mom told me yesterday," Everyone says you're really funny, but I just see sarcasm." Thanks mom. But I know my parents love me. 'Nough said.

2. Susan Stutznegger and Peggy Taylor: Two of my favorite young women's leaders. You might think that's absolutely ridiculous, but when one is an awkward, homely, teenager (namely, me) it really means a lot when adults treat you like you're not so awkard and homely.

3. Marie Acebo and Becky Hancock: These gals are two gals who I can trust will tell me exactly what's on their mind, which is something I respect greatly and am still trying to perfect. What this means is that I know what they say is what they mean. And extra thanks goes to Becky for giving me one of the greatest compliments of my existence!

4. The Robertsons, Browns, Taylors, Jagodas, Meyers, Papas, and all the other parents of my friends growing up: These folks always take a moment to catch up with me when I visit and remind me of how good it feels to be home.

So there you have it: an honest to goodness shout out to my roots. As much as I poke fun at Oroville (though Oroville doesn't get offended, because it knows I poke fun at just about everyone) it will always hold a special place in my heart, as will its inhabitants (yes, even the cut-offs wearing folks visiting the local Walmart).

I will say, one thing that really surprised me was the amount of people that told me they read my blog. Even our Japanese foreign exchange student (Hi Noriko!) from 1998 wrote my parents telling them how my blog is a little difficult to read, but she struggles through anyway.

Top Ten Ways to Tell it's Christmas-time

2008-12-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

I was considering leaving this post till a bit closer to the holiday. Then I realized, it's pretty close to the holiday. Our Christmas Sacrament Meeting inspired me with this list. And I have to say that regardless of the choir's poor practice, we sounded pretty awesome.

10. Hear the sounds of diets being broken all over the civilized world.

9. Men dig through their dressers, dusting off tacky red and green ties and socks with pictures of reindeer on them.

8. Teachers all over the country are searching for non-religious Christmas music (I mean "Winter" music) that is sure to not offend anyone. Just think of all those kids in San Diego singing song after song about snow, and never really knowing if it exists.

7. It's suddenly considered socially acceptable to sit on the lap of a middle aged sugar daddy with a round little belly (I tried doing that at the mall at times other than Christmas, and I got some really weird looks.)

6. Every singer in the world turns out a wholesome Christmas album (and you haven't lived until you've heard Ozzie's "Silent Night." He eats a dove at the end of it.)

5. Luxurious, inflatable creatures begin to inhabit local front lawns.

4. "The Christmas Story" is shown every hour on the hour on TBS, TNT, and AMC.

3. You just got punched in the face by an 86-year-old lady who wanted your "Tickle Me Jesse Ventura" doll.

2. White elephants threaten to over-run the work place.

1. For once, everyone takes a moment (even if it really is just one moment) to think about someone other than themselves.

So in case you don't hear from me before then, Merry Christmas everyone!

Blast From the Past!

2008-12-07T22:20:00.000-08:00

I know, such a cliche'd title. But it's true. I've had the chance to visit with my good friend, Carol this weekend (she came for a wedding that I wasn't invited to. I'm not bitter, of course. . . ). While she was here, there were a few things accomplished:

- I'm pretty sure I offended all my friends in the ward choir. I have NEVER been as disruptive and had such a flagrant disregard for the people around me as I did this morning. I'll be surprised if Matt, our choir director, ever speaks to me again.

- I got a chance to share all my most recent Top Ten Lists with her. I'm always in the mood for someone who enjoys my jokes and thinks I'm funny. And Carol definitely thinks I'm funny.

-Flirted shamelessly with a guy I just met. That was quite enjoyable, actually. It's always fun to find other people who don't suffer from personal boundaries.

- Watched the personally choreographed New Kids dances from when I was 19 years old that Carol is in as well. If you haven't seen the homemade "rat-tail" I made out of my own hair and attached to one of my guy friends' hair, you really should ask to see the video. Actually, even if you have seen it, you should watch it again.

- Finally, I had about a three hour expanse of time in which I felt like I did before I had all the responsibilities of life that loom over my head. And the question I have is, why don't I feel like this everyday?

Top Ten Things I'm Thankful For

2008-11-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

The options for a Thanksgiving post were many, and varied. My favorite, though I didn't have the gumption to do it, was to re-enact the landing at Plymouth and the first Thanksgiving dinner (Michelle Rotar style) using a very large set of acrylic figurines and buildings (including 3 large tipis) that were given to me by my loving parents last year. I ran out of time on that one, unfortunately. Maybe next year.
So I decided on the runner-up, a top ten list. My top ten things I'm thankful for:

10. Make-up. Without it, I would feel like crap, as would everyone else who had to look at me.

9. The combination of pajamas, electric blanket, and 600 thread count sheets. It's my own little slice of heaven every night.

8. Men. As much as I complain about them, they're definitely on my list of "favorite things" (insert humming in Julia Andrews-esque behavior).

7. Dessert. Yep, that ranks higher than men.

6. Music. My own universal soul healer. A little bit of Aerosmith, a little bit of My Chemical Romance, and little of New Kids on the Block, with a dash of Michael Jackson thrown in = bliss.

5. Movies. Without them (or men), I would have nothing to talk about.

4. My house. It's mine. . . it's all mine!! Mwah-ha-ha!

3. My students. They add variety and all sorts of weirdness to my everyday existence. God bless them!

2. My friends (even all those people on facebook who consider themselves my friend, but I've only spoken to them once).

1. Duh, my family. That includes my dog. We might be relatively small compared to Utah family sizes, but we're mighty (mighty funny, that is!)

So, now I'm heading out to go to Thanksgiving dinner at my Aunt and Uncle's in Brigham City. And yes, writing this blog is going to make me ten minutes late. I hope you thought it was worth it!

Today I am a Woman!

2008-11-16T12:50:00.000-08:00

Last night was one of the most amazing nights of my life thus far. I accomplished a dream I've had ever since I was 9 years old. Last night, in Salt Lake City, I went to a New Kids on the Block concert.
IT WAS AMAZING!!!

Some things you should know:
-I didn't cry . . . though I almost did when they first came out on stage.
-It was the funnest concert I have ever been to.
- The Kids that have aged the most gracefully are Donnie and Joey (I know I've always been attracted to older men, but there's a reason for that!)
- Kid that has aged least gracefully: Jordan. Though he did take his shirt off for one of the songs (it's actually something he used to do in their old concerts, for the same song) and I will not lie, boyfriend has a very enviable physique. Not that I would want the same physique. . . more like I wouldn't mind touching it.
- I screamed like a little girl through the entire show. My personal favorite moment was when someone in the audience through a t-shirt to Donnie that had "I love mormon girls" written on it. He put on the shirt and wore it until the next costume change.
-Kelly and I waited for almost two hours after the concert, out by the buses, to see if the kids would come out and say hello. Turns out, the fans are just as maniacal as they were 15 years ago. Donnie jumped out of a van and came around high fiving people, and almost the entire crowd (myself excluded) rushed the van. Just being that close was enough for me.
- I have been singing/listening to their music ever since. Sometimes life is so fulfilling.

And to anyone out there who wants to give me crap for liking the New Kids on the Block:
You obviously don't have "The Right Stuff" (I know, wasn't that a really awful pun?!)

Traffic School Outer Darkness

2008-11-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

I had to go to traffic school last night. Once again, I was pulled over for something I didn't realize I was doing wrong. Not that I'm not to blame, I just wish there could be a little Orem police mercy to temper their justice.
However, I was amazed at how much traffic school resembled an elementary school classroom. Let me share my findings:
-There's at least one student that keeps asking the "what if" questions (what if he pulls out first, and then you have the right of way, but he hits you . . . what if I stop and a bicyclist runs into me, who's at fault? . . . what if aliens come down from the sky and land on top of my car, what do I tell my insurance. . . you get the idea).
-There's the student who always has something to say; some comment to make, but it's completely clueless and almost has nothing to do with the topic.
- There are the chatting girls in the back, chomping loudly on their gum, paying no attention whatsoever.
-Don't forget the "back of the room wannabe snoozers" (where I fit in), fighting daydreams, or real ones.
- And of course the students flagrantly doing something completely off task. (also where I fit in).

But I did learn some really important things. Like:
- You are not allowed to shoot someone who is running away from your house.
-If you don't wear your seat belt, you will kill everyone in the car.
-Don't eat before watching disturbing traffic school videos (watching accidents that were caught on film by cameras actually in the cars was probably the creepiest thing I've ever done.)
- You're most likely to die in an accident on Fridays (trying to escape work). You're next most likely to die in an accident on Mondays (having made the decision to end your life rather than go back to work).

What traffic school ultimately accomplished for me, was to make me absolutely terrified to drive home last night.

Just a Moment to Vent My Feelings

2008-11-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

Normally, I wouldn't take time in this light, friendly blog to speak politically. Allow me to do so now. I am sick and tired of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints being fingered for bringing down all civil rights in California and apparently everywhere else in the world. I have not been very active in the whole Prop 8 thing. However, lately it seems like everyone has something crappy to say about the gospel of Jesus Christ. When this thing all started, I was wondering why the church was getting involved in politics (I had only seen it happen once before...also in California when I was younger). However, after doing my research, I was able to find out why the leaders of our church took a stand. It's not about hating people (I have several homosexual friends who I adore, sometimes even more than some of my straight friends. I'm no hater). It's not about saying they shouldn't have rights. It's not about pushing the church's collective weight around to prove we've got power.
It's about protecting the sacred unit of "the family." It's about helping prevent society from applauding actions and relations that will not lead to eternal salvation.
People say the leaders of our church became much too involved. Well, if the prophet, seer, and revelator makes a move, I'm sure as heck going to follow it (it turns out he has a bit more perspective with the BIG GUY than I do). This campaign wasn't about immediate consequences, it's about the future. What this could do down the road, based on what it has done down the road in other countries.
At Institute this week we were talking about God's command for the children of Israel to utterly destroy the civilizations they came across. We also discussed the story of Lot, who pitched his tent facing the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, a symbol of his acceptance of the worldliness of those cities. If you aren't familiar with the fate of those cities, look it up in your Old Testament. There is a big difference between the gospel's idea of tolerance (loving your neighbor, doing good to those who persecute you, embracing the sinner but not the sin, etc.) and the world's idea of tolerance. An official statement from the church describes it as thus: "Instead of love, it has come to mean condone – acceptance of wrongful behavior as the price of friendship. Jesus taught that we love and care for one another without condoning transgression. But today’s politically palatable definition insists that unless one accepts the sin he does not tolerate the sinner. "
You might consider me an ignorant girl (I do, myself, most of the time) or you might agree with me. All I know is that I have an unshakable testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, in His prophet that directs the church today, and in His eternal truths (that means "unchanging"). No matter what you think, you'll never convince me otherwise.

So you might as well save your breath and your hate.

For more information please visit this official statement from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Top Ten Reasons to NOT Forgive Others

2008-11-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

I got in somewhat of a frustrating debate with a friend last night. To preserve his anonymity, we'll just call him Andy M. . . . no wait, A. Morrise. I was cleaning my room when I found this old gem of a top ten list. It seemed oddly appropriate. It's from back in the day when LaNell was a roomie. I know this because it was attached to a cartoon of us I drew. Trust me, if I had a scanner, you'd be able to enjoy that drawing as much as I currently am. So here's the list:

Top Ten Reasons to Not Forgive Others

10. We would no longer have an excuse to use swear words.

9. My punching bag performance would suffer.

8. If I wasn't so angry, I'd probably just eat more.

7. My crusty glare still needs work. It still can't kill instantaneously.

6. Bitterness is a muscle that needs to be worked on as much as your abs do (washboard
bitterness?)

5. When have we ever been commanded to do this? I would know if we were. I read the
scriptures often.

4. I didn't start it . . . . he/she/it didn't apologize.

3. Planning revenge is an exercise of the imagination.

2. Nursing a grudge is just as fun as nursing a scotch (or so I hear).

1. Forgiveness makes you weak, jerkface.

My Most Favoritest Holiday

2008-10-31T18:39:00.000-07:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year. For me, anyway. I had such a good day today. Extremely tiring, but still good. For almost a year, I have had an idea for my costume. I wanted to be Stitch (from "Lilo and Stitch"). I convinced Randa Mortenson, a sixth grade teacher at my school and a dear friend, to dress up as Lilo.
We spent the entire Halloween parade at school with me growling and sniffing at the students while she tried to calm me down, all the while quoting the movie as often as possible. Whenever she felt Stitch was getting too riled up, she inspired me to hula with her. It was just so much fun. I even tried to attack a few sixth graders and parents (only the ones I knew would have fun with it).
The bad side (as I confided in my colleagues today at work) is that this years costume is possibly the least guy attracting I've ever worn. Even the pumpkin costume from when I was seven got me a boyfriend or two. Ahh, the glory days . . .
But the kids sure got a kick out of it. I had "Hi Stitch" spoken to me by dozens of kids whom I have no idea who they are. It was fun. Though I now have lost my voice from excessive growling. Sometimes I love being a teacher.

In Honor of My 28th . . .

2008-10-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

I turned 28 today. I know, big move from 27. I felt that the best way to commemorate this event was to create a top ten list of movie quotes that I feel best represent this stage in my life. And, if you can identify every quote, it probably means we're best friends.

Top Ten Quotes to Represent Being 28

10. "Do you understand the words that are comin' out of my mouth?"

9. "I'm not Josie Grossy anymore!" (dedicated to anyone who knew me in Junior High)

8. "Attitude reflect leadership, captain."

7. "Ugh, I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get some hot water, get some iodine!"

6. "You'll have to forgive me, my brain has gone to pieces."

5."Eating a steady diet of government cheese while I'm living in a van down by the river."

4. "Sexy American Girlfriend!!!"

3. "I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite."

2. "I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way."

1. "I love it all! I love it, I love it, I love it! Every second of it, every second of it!"

In the Absence of Men . . .

2008-10-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

We had a Relief Society Retreat this weekend.
Not just any run-of-the-mill retreat, this was the whole enchilada. It was more like the entire tex-mex buffet.
We started out on Friday night at the Aspen Lodge (which I think is extremely over priced for the size of the facilities, as a side note). For Friday, it was a ward activity and everyone was invited (hence the whole ward activity-ness of the situation). I had spent the majority of the day shopping for food to feed the entire ward (well, actually I was planning dinner for 40. Based on past attendance at ward functions, I was feeling this was a generous estimate). And let me take this opportunity to tell everyone about Allison's Pantry, which is this fantastic place that sells delicious food, grants wishes, and pretty much fulfills dreams. . . all for a reduced price.
My car was packed to the gills when Mallory and I drove up the canyon to set everything up and get dinner going. After getting lost only a handful of times, we arrived and began the monumental task of preparing for the evening (of which I will not give you step by step details . . . this is where you thank me for being so considerate).
I had taken up my Dance Dance Revolution and Kristina's Guitar Hero, along with several board games. There also happened to be a pool table, ping pong table, and foosball tables at the lodge. Needless to say, there were a myriad of activities to choose from.
Dinner was served and it became a case of loaves and fishes. I had purchased exactly 40 bread bowls, and we had 41 people for dinner, but that didn't matter because I didn't need to have a bread bowl, so it was perfect. We did have a little bit of soup left over, but not enough to save. I've never planned a large dinner so perfectly. Ha!
Now, I will take this moment to tell you that I wasn't in a very social mood. I've been feeling a bit sick and sluggish lately, so I spent dinner time making sure everyone was fed, and I spent after dinner time washing dishes (seriously, hundreds of dollars to use the place, and it doesn't even have a dishwasher!)
After clean up was over, I had just enough time to get in a few DDR's and one GH (Dance dance revolution and Guitar Hero respectively) before it was time for the guys to leave. See, the girls were spending the night, but the guys had to leave at around 10, or at least that's when we told them to leave.
The whole point of this blog entry is actually dealing with what happened after the men left. All of a sudden, I felt so much more free. We started out in polite conversation with the Bishop and his wife (our chaperones), but this soon grew tiring and I put on some music, causing a spontaneous dance party for the gals. The interesting thing for me was, not only the feeling of abandon that accompanied our "lacking guys" situation, but the amount of girls that would prefer to watch another group of uncoordinated white girls dance. I thought that was something only guys like to do, but apparently it must be a fun past-time because there were probably half a dozen girls just observing. I hope they learned a little something from my "power shimmy" (which is a move that is only allowed when in the presence of solely females).
We then went outside to watch the stars. What I did really was convince a couple of other relief society sisters to sing camp songs with me (which, they did an excellent job of "Three Chartreuse Buzzards," though I did have to do some convincing that the title was NOT "Three Sharp-toothed Buzzards." Apparently, Jenni Carlquist didn't listen in Biology that day when they discussed how Buzzards have beaks and NOT sharp teeth.)
Then, somehow I was nominated to tell a scary story. Luckily I had one prepared from last year's camping expedition with the 5th graders. The story was pretty good. I know this because whenever the girls started to feel a little creeped out, someone blurted out a sarcastic remark. Now, some people might find that annoying. Not I. I'm fully versed in defense mechanisms (have you read this blog at all?!) I understand the idea of using humor to deflect fear. We also got to see the climbing stylings of Dr. Melissa Clark, Jenni Carlquist, and Julieanne Smith.
We then went back inside, got ready for bed, and I told everyone who their soulmates were based on an extremely scientific process (something akin to MASH for those familiar with that). Moral of the story, I was silly. Very silly. So was everyone else (or at least quite a few of us). I've decided that there is a sense of freedom and abandon when we're not feeling like we have to impress anyone of the opposite gender. Do I wish that guys could see us how we actually are? Sometimes. But then again, sometimes it's nice just to be a girl among girls, saying jokes and laughing at things only we would find amusing.
I enjoy being a girl.

At Least I'll Get Home for Christmas on Time. . .

2008-10-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Well, it turns out that my acting/singing prowess must be less than I thought. I was asked back for callbacks (second auditions), but was cut from the final cast list. I'm actually quite disappointed. It's probably only irony working against me: I put on my blog that I'm auditioning for a part, making it very public, and now I have to let everyone know that I was not successful. I guess I'll have to keep taking singing lessons or something.
Just feeling a little blue.

Celebrating Anne (With an E)

2008-10-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

It was Jenny Morrise's brain child. She told us one evening that she was thinking about holding an "Anne of Green Gables" party. Well, the people who were around immediately started brainstorming what sorts of things could be done at a party like that. Since Jenny was open to ideas, we contributed them. I immediately called dibs on coming as Marilla. Christina wanted to be Anne (which is extra appropriate because of the red hair), Julianne decided to go as Katherine Brooks, and then Mallory, Jenni, and Jenny came as "friends of Anne," though we did assign them identities over the course of the evening. We started out at Julianne's house and walked a couple blocks (in costume) to Jenni Morrise's house to pick up a canoe (literally). We wanted to reenact the scene from the movie when Anne floats down the river reciting the "Lady of Shalott." Trouble was, we had to carry the canoe to the river. Which wasn't so bad, but it meant we had to carry it about four blocks, walking along Geneva road for a big chunk of that. By the end of our little walk, there were three girls who had their entire top halves inside the canoe, with me on the outside, steering. Once we found a little place along the Provo River Trail to put the canoe in, we found that the water was much too shallow to actually float anywhere, but we did take advantage and have a few photos.

And you can see my awesome Marilla costume:
You won't be able to notice my face, but I put faint age lines to help me look a bit older. I must not have done a very good job, however, because Julianne originally thought it was war paint.

When we returned to Julianne's house, we ate dinner, watched a little "Anne," had some poetry read/recited by Julianne and Jenni, and then a few of us were ready for the puffed sleeve competition. Which wasn't really a competition, but in the end we all decided that Jenni won, because she had incorporated cute ribbons onto her sleeves.
The first set of sleeves I made were disappointingly non-puffy. The second set I made were so puffy, the material could not hold itself up and I looked like I had really saggy arms. However, if I got my hands on some fiberfill, those would have been pretty amazing.

The last activity of the evening was the making of graham cracker houses. They were supposed to look like Green Gables, and I felt like mine was a decent representation.

Moral of the story: I'm a relatively silly person, and I'm glad I have friends who feel they are relatively silly people as well, who can get together and do relatively silly things in an organized fashion. Huzzah!

Auditioning at the Hale

2008-10-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

Augh! I'm sitting in between parent conferences right now, anticipating my first audition for the Hale Center Theater in Orem. Those of you familiar with the Provo-Orem area are aware that Hale is quite a step up from the Scera (where I've done a few shows-- all minor roles). However, one of my favorite directors (Jerry Elison) who directed me in "Oliver!" and "Pride and Prejudice" is directing "A Christmas Carol" at the Hale. Last year, after auditions were over, I ran into Jerry at another show I was in. He asked me why I hadn't auditioned for his show. I informed him of how I considered the Hale to be more of a pipe dream. His reply? "If I'm directing, you should try out."
So, I really shouldn't be nervous, right? Unfortunately, my nerves rarely listen to my logic (they do listen to classic rock occasionally, however.) This morning, I was running out my door being slightly late for work, when I realized I'd forgotten my song book (which contained the song I would be singing for the audition). This wouldn't normally be a problem except that I'm going straight from parent teacher conferences to the audition (and I'll be auditioning in my new gray pant suit also, thanks to the afore mentioned situation.)
Anyway, I ran back inside, grabbed one of my song books and stumbled out the door. Come to find five minutes later, I grabbed the wrong book. No worries, I just have to make sure one of these other songs is perfected. No stress. . .
Now that I've informed everyone I know about auditions, I'll be sure to tell you all of my shame when I find out that I'm not cast in the show. Not to be a pessimist or anything, but have you seen the shows I'm in normally (when I'm in a starring role???)? 'Nough said.

Photos as Promised

2008-10-02T06:50:00.000-07:00

Here I am gazing into my crystal ball (aka mini fish bowl)

This sign was so awesome. Brittany in my ward designed this side. However, I'm sad that you couldn't see the other side as well. It was designed by Pam and is also awesome. By the way, you should be impressed with the absolutely beautiful fabrics I found that I'm going to make something out of . . . just not quite sure what yet.

My very first fortune of the evening. I was telling this young man the sign to look for to know that he had found his true soul mate. You can see why it was a popular booth.

Madame Rosmira makes an Appearance at the Stake Carnival

2008-10-01T10:04:00.000-07:00

Well folks, as co-chair of the Activities Committee in my ward, and avid "do- anything" sort of person, I had the opportunity to help out at our stake carnival this last Monday. Each Ward was responsible for putting up two carnival booths. We had originally decided to do a cotton candy booth and a dart throwing booth. However, with the advice, encouragement, and sometimes censure of friends and co-workers we traded the dart throwing for a fortune teller. And if you haven't guessed from the picture, yours truly played that role.
The experience was truly a fun one. My close friends know how excited I get about acting and dressing up as someone other than myself. "Madame Rosmira" as I was called for the evening, gave me the opportunity to put together a fabulous gypsy costume (and yes, I am being completely modest. I'm wearing a skin colored leotard, which you are unable to readily detect due to my strategically placed hair.)
I set up my booth at 5:30 at Rock Canyon Park and started telling fortunes at 6:00. An acquaintance brought me some food, but other than that and the occasional sip of water, I told fortunes to friends and strangers for over three hours. Sometimes I read palms, other times I consulted my crystal ball or even "the cards" (which consisted of a deck of Old Maid cards, though apparently I offended some people who thought I was using actual tarot cards for a church function, but they're all going to hell anyway, as I foresaw using my non-tarot cards).
I finally had to stop when they turned off the outside lights. I will admit, I was pretty proud of myself. No two fortunes were the same, and I maintained an appropriate amount of intensity and stayed in my character for almost the entire night. I'll post some more photos once my friends send them to me. Out of the three times that I've told fortunes at an event, this was my favorite.

TNT's New Crime Drama

2008-09-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to introduce you to this Fall's exhilarating new crime drama, "The Society." I'm still deciding what they main plot is going to be of the drama. I'm thinking something like a sisterhood of women, bent on enforcing the monthly visitations of fellow "sisters." These women create baked goods with a vengeance and show a forceful example to women around the globe by designing elaborate centerpieces and tulle painting. The tagline would be "Bring it."

Perhaps it could be centered around a band of Amazon warriors, destroying evil in all of its various forms and embodiments (usually with rudimentary weaponry like spears, knives, and old loaves of bread).

It could be a crime drama. With the newly bar-passed Jenni on the team, there's no criminal that can withstand the intense stare-downs and mind to mind combat provided by this team of fighters.

Maybe you could come up with some other ideas.

Top Ten Reasons Why a Kick in the Teeth is Better Than Having a Relationship With a Male

2008-09-21T15:11:00.001-07:00

I was rummaging through some old photos and paper when I came across this absolute gem! A few years ago, a good friend of mine (by the name of Amy Catale) went out to dinner with me. She confessed that life was not going well for her because this boy she had been dating dumped her rather unceremoniously. No worries, I told her. Making top ten lists is what I do to make myself feel a bit better! So, together we came up with the following list.
It's important to understand that this list was written to comfort a friend. There are times in my life when I find it's handy to take on the role of bitter-spinster-female-hag. It's not a very happy place, but the writing that comes out of it is usually just this side of brilliant!

So, here you go:

Top Ten Reasons Why a Kick in the Teeth is Better Than Having a Relationship With a Male

10. There are possible repercussions for the kicker.

9. A kick in the teeth requires no closure

8. You can't blame yourself for a kick in the teeth. (No really, it's my fault that my teeth got in the way.)

7. Being kicked in the teeth requires no effort on your part.

6. With a kick in the teeth, you're guaranteed at least some physical contact.

5. There is a possibility of getting gold bling (for the record, I absolutely detest that word) if you get kicked in the teeth.

4. There is no injuring of the self-esteem with a kick in the teeth.

3. Being kicked in the teeth will only hurt once.

2. A kick in the teeth will never tell you you're fat, or that it's not you, it's it.

1. Let's face it, who doesn't like a kick in the teeth?

So, that list healed a friend's soul for an evening. Perhaps it has helped yours as well . . .

2008-09-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

My Baby
As many of you know, I don't have any children. Don't worry, I'll survive for now.
But even though I have no official offspring, I do have a puppy dog (and you need to know that I refer to all dogs as puppies, regardless of their age or size), named Nadra, that I absolutely adore even though at times she is the bane of my existence. (I hear kids can be like that too.)

Anyway, my dog-baby had her very first professional photo shoot (and when I say professional, I mean done by my roommate. And when I say photo shoot, I mean that Wendy got bored and pulled out her digital camera.)
Now, even though there is a sad lacking of chiffon, lace, or furniture props (I really think it would great if Nadra could be pictured popping out of an Easter egg while balancing a chick on her head) I totally dug the ultra-close-ups. I think this comes from the fact that Nadra is normally seen in ultra close-up as she sneaks in for a kiss.

She recently finished obedience training. So now I take her for walks (and not vice versa). She lies down when company is over and doesn't bother everyone. She also comes when I call her every time. I'm still working on teaching her how to fetch my ringing cell phone, do my math homework, and make me a sandwich. (Don't worry, I won't give up until she's mastered it all.) Even if you hate my dog, I know you secretly love my dog (in your heart of hearts, you know she's really awesome). Now I'm off to convert the rest of the world to "Nadra-ism" (does that make me a "Nadra-ite?")

Top Ten Ways to Get Fired From the Alpine School District

2008-09-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

Before I actually get to the top ten list, I just want to say that I really do love my job. If you've spoken to me for more than 2 minutes, I've inevitably brought the subject around to my students/class/school.
Well, it just so happened that a couple of weeks ago, during a faculty meeting, we were given a few reminders about our conduct and possibly some duties that were being overlooked. The alarming part was that it seemed like every reminder had "you could get fired for this" attached to it. It seems one couldn't even take a sip of milk without offending some parent or other. We left the meeting a little disheartened. However, I felt my best way of coping would be to make fun of our rules and regulations a wee bit. Of course, this isn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings (especially my principal who I absolutely adore), but I always feel it's healthy to laugh at ourselves. And even though there are many inside jokes here, I think you will still enjoy it. The humorous part is that these are all based on truth, and even some of the more off the wall items are quoted almost verbatim. Here you go:

Top Ten Ways to Get Fired From the Alpine School District

10. Put any personal items (pictures, music, movies, clips, etc) on your computer on loan from the district. Apparently, you'll need all your memory space for lesson plans and power point presentations. (Though I truly feel justified in having my entire music library on mine. Metallica is rich with real life applications for the young ones.)

9. Give a doughnut, cupcake, stick of gum, or half a lollipop to a student before lunchtime. (It seems that if children are unable to control their eating habits, ie saving it for after lunch, it is we the teachers at fault.)

8. Miss recess duties (I don’t care if you are going to pee your pants, get out on the playground!)

7. Teach Investigations . . . no wait, Traditionally . . . that’s not right . . . Investigations. You know, it changes so often, I’m not quite sure anymore.

6. Fail to send home immediately the Aspen Newsletter or any other note that is put in our boxes 3 minutes before the bell rings.

5. Not teaching your ELL kids that “the farmer is in the barn, the farmer is outside of the barn.” (You don’t have any ELL kids? That’s impossible, plus, even your fluent kids would love to know about the farmer and the barn.)

4. Let your students in the door early, or late (pretty much, there’s a 60 second window that equals no firing)

3. Touch student with a hand that is not flat (especially Mike, Mr. Disgusto!)

2. Allow a child to get hit by a car because you forgot bus duty (forget about the fact that the parking lot is huge and even if you were out there holding each individual student by the hand, there are still parents that drive like cartoons who are still just as likely to hit somebody, including you.)

1. Show up in the parking lot 30 seconds late (and remember: parents are out there and they are keeping track with their clipboards. If you’re late, you’d better show up incognito.)

Top Ten Ways to Make Dating Easier

2008-09-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

10. Temporary loss of agency/free will

9. Mind reading capabilities

8. Regressing to cave-man mentality (just hit them over the head and drag 'em back to your cave)

7. More than 3 single men in our sphere of influence.

6. Evil men wear black, good men wear white, and lackadaisical men are simply drug out into the street and shot.

5. Men become less amoeba-like by growing vertebraes.

4. Getting dates like we get mission calls. Don't accept = straight to hell

3. Deodorant

2. Looser gun control laws

1. Universal blindness

Pain . . . Lots and Lots of Pain

2008-09-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

I think I spoke too quickly. I was so busy being proud of myself for a Saturday filled with exercise and endorphins, (see the previous two entries if you have no idea what I'm talking about) that I didn't realize the punishment that my body was about to wreak upon me. We went to Stake Conference last night (which included a musical number directed by a very beautiful woman . . . me) and then the roomies and I caught "Kung Fu Panda" at the "absolutely ghetto" dollar theater. We went straight to the theater after Stake Conference, so we were looking like sugar mamas on the prowl. Anyway, to move the story along, after the movie was over, I found I was having an extremely rough time in my attempts at walking. Wendi even told me I looked like I was drunk as I stumbled out the double doors in my ultra-awesome purple synthetic alligator skin stilletos. The problem was that I couldn't walk any more gracefully (which I informed them) no matter how hard I tried. Anytime I put any pressure on my legs, they wanted to buckle.

Then, for ALL of last night, I tossed in my bed because my legs were aching so intensely (think throbbing meets stabbing). The only comfort I could find was if I lied perfectly still (not moving a muscle . . . get it?) which I could only do in about 30 minute increments.

So, help. If you have any tips on how to relieve this sort of pain (other than cutting my legs off at the hip, which is sounding more and more tempting) and how to convince my body that riding a bike for hours at a time is not purpose enough to bring about its own armageddon, I am open and ready for advice.

By the way, I don't want this entry to look like I am any sort of pansy or lightweight. I have a very high threshold for pain, just so you know.

And if you're wondering if I would bike again, knowing that this feeling awaited me, I would have to answer a resounding "Yes!" So take that.

Oops

2008-09-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

Apparently, If you saw my last post, you might think I was shouting the last part. No, I'm still getting used to this whole posting thing. Oops.

The Saturday of Ultimate Exercise

2008-09-06T13:57:00.000-07:00

So, this past week I've had the feeling that I just couldn't get enough sleep. How wonderful, I thought, to have a weekend that would allow me to sleep in and relax. But then Julianne and Christina said they were going to bike to Spanish Fork from Provo. They were doing it to see a couple of our friends (Jenni and Andy) finish a half marathon that they have been training for for the past two or three months. Though excited to see my friends finish a race, I was much more intrigued by the bragging rights I would have by biking 26 miles. I was told me were meeting at 7:30 am to start our journey (in order to be there by 9:00). But, in case you missed that, that was 7:30 AM . There went my whole sleeping in goal. I woke up at 6:30 and decided I would cancel. However, the longer I lied in bed, the more I felt like I would regret not going.
To make a potentially epic story shorter, I showed up on time (not all that typical, let's face it) and we journeyed.
It was awesome. Did I get tired? Yes. Did my legs hurt after a while? You betcha. Am I the reincarnated form of She-Ra Princess of Power? Yeah, but that doesn't really have much to do with this post. (Another time, perhaps).
We arrived in Spanish Fork, saw Andy and Jenni run in (I even ran into Matt Edwards and the Christensens as a bonus), ate a little free fruit (grapes have never tasted so good), and started our comeback journey.
At this point you might be thinking "Well, that's nice. Michelle went for an extended bike ride. No big deal." But you don't have all the info just yet.
About an hour after I got home (and believe me, I could have slept for days) Kristina and I went canoeing up the Provo River for a couple hours.
I might be a female version of Rambo. Actually, I'm probably mostly like the current version of Rambo (60-year old action hero-ness). But, I have bragging rights, and really . . . isn't that the whole point?

We Cannot be Stopped!!!

2008-09-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

Our plan was to enjoy a nice bike ride on Labor Day. With our new roommate, Wendy, with us, we were excited for a little roommate bonding time. We were also joined by our good friend, Christina Olsen.
As we started off, however, it began to sprinkle a little.

Then it began to rain a little harder

And a little harder.

Then the wind began to blow pretty strongly.

Then it began to hail.

And we could not be stopped.

Then it continued,
and continued,
and continued.

And lightning came

with thunder.

And we eventually turned back.

(Apparently, we could be stopped).

But we were already soaked through.

Potlucking in a New -Fandangled Way

2008-09-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday, my friends gather together and have a potluck. Normally it is a "Russian Roulette" as to whether we'll have all desserts and no entrees, or five salads and a package of crackers. This particular Sunday, however, Andy came up with the idea of doing things a bit differently. The inspiration was that we would meet earlier than usual and bring only a series of ingredients with us, not necessarily with anything in mind.

So we arrived in various forms and proceeded to designate teams. My partner was Julianne Smith. Andy Morrise and Jenni Carlquist worked together (apparently if you run well together, you cook well together). And finally, Mallory Snyder and Jenny Morrise teamed up. Each pair took turns calling dibs on various ingredients. We then got to work and fought (hand and fist, mind you) for the different pots and pans in the Morrise family kitchen (a very big thank you, by the way, to Brother and Sister Morrise for letting us completely invade and destroy).

Mallory and Jenny (using only dough and various types of sugars and spices) got dessert-tastic and made some wicked sweet cinnamon rolls.

Julianne and I took it upon us to create the entree (it was worthy of "Louie Surprise" by Papa Rotar standards) consisting of ground beef, tomato sauce, green chiles, onions, and macaroni noodles.
Andy and Jenni did a side dish with stir fried veggies, chicken breast, and some good ol' curry.

Technically, Curry was NOT part of the included ingredients brought (nor were the other myriad of spices this pair pulled out), but we decided to let it go for the benefit of all involved.
In the end, the meal was delightful.

Sometimes don't you just feel like a bottle of ground ginger surrounded by a bunch of other ordinary green-bottled spices?

Yeah, me too.

Welcome to the New Blog

2008-08-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I've started to feel a bit behind the times. My friends are all going on to create fantastic blogs with cute little pictures of their children and spouses. Dare I be left behind? No, I dare not. So, we'll see how often I get on here to post various items. I'm sure that this will be an excellent outlet for my weekly top ten lists (some funnier than others) and everybody will get to be kept up to date on the mundane happenings of my life. For now, any viewers are welcome to visit my flickr site and see all the exciting things I've been up to.